My Favorite Things Ever

So I wanted to blog about how I'm happiest in a supporting role. & I also wanted to blog about the two settings in which I am most 'in my element'. But the more I thought about each topic, the more I thought it'd be easier to perhaps combine the two. So, this might get a bit convoluted, but bear with me, & I'll try to bear with me too. ;-o I'm not even entirely sure where to start. Let's try talking about each of my two favorite settings in turn, & tie the other bit in as we go.

I'd been to two or three concerts before October 2001, but they were the big kind where you don't talk to anyone & you can't really see what's going on. So my first little bitty concert totally changed the way I saw things. The stage was mere feet away, the audience was standing all crowded together & chattering away, the band was aged 19 to 23, I could see the cords & knobs & hard work, & I fell in love with the whole thing. I got to see that same band over 40 times in the next nine years, & I consider that one of my life's greatest blessings. I got to see many venues, good & bad. I saw crowds of young teenagers & crowds of middle-aged drunks. I saw what happens before & after the show. I worked the merch table, & that became one of my favorite things ever. I have a soft spot for many aspects of the music business, from guitar repair to the mixing of a freshly recorded album, but I most deeply love concerts.
When I go to a concert, I feel like my presence is a gesture of support to whomever I'm there to see. I feel a deep interest in every logistical detail, & I keep an eye on everyone working to make the show happen. I feel a sense of community, & I talk comfortably to strangers as if they are my friends (which is totally outside of my normal behavior). I feel alive, full of energy & hope. When I was seeing the band I saw most often, I was known, & people knew that they could count on me, & that is the feeling that makes me the most happy.
At this stage of my life, I'm making it to about one concert per year. I feel mostly okay with it, because this stage of my life is full of many lovely & important things to fill my time, & I love it. But I do miss being more present in the relationship I have with that enviroment.

The other setting that means the most to me has developed an even deeper connection to my heart than concerts, because of stronger personal involvement. I don't just love being at summer camp, I feel like I *belong* there. I've been told by multiple people that I "glow" when I work at a camp. I've been told by multiple entirely different people that they've rarely if ever seen anyone with a passion for camp like I have, & that I need to do something with that. (I do plan to give more of my life to camp, but, again, this stage of my life isn't really for that purpose.) I spent five summers at various camps. I've done day camp & overnight, Christian & mainstream, special needs & mainstream, kids & adults. I'm sitting here staing at this blinking cursor, wondering how to even put any of it into words. Oh the stress I've been through for camps! There has been blood, sweat, & tears. HAPPILY. You know you're in the right place when you're struggling harder than you ever have, in ways that go against your grain, with a constant underlying feeling that it is absolutely worth it & you'd do it all & more. The pain just becomes part of the expression of love. A common theme with many of my happiest camp moments, as with many of my concert moments, is having people know they could count on me. I was trusted with tasks beyond the responsibilities of my roles, because people knew I would gladly give my all to anything they asked of me. I got to do many little things to help things go smoothly, at camps & at concerts, & that is how I like to live my life. It's a big part of who I am, & how I show love. I try to see what details I can handle to help the people around me, often as in the background as possible. I find joy when someone asks me to do something for them. Sometimes it turns into a bad habit of taking on way too much at once, & I feel super duper bad when I have to let someone down. Other times it gets frustrating because sometimes people just don't see how I'm trying to love them, they have no idea that my behavior springs from caring about them. Different people see love more in different things, & it is important that all people try to grow from that to see more broadly.