Re: #YesAllWomen

You may or may not know about the hashtag #YesAllWomen that had a big surge earlier this year. To explain it quickly in a rather oversimplified way, it was basically women pointing out that as a woman you experience some fear/pressure/discrimination, just for being a woman. & that shouldn't be how it is. But it is how it is. & before we can see significant change, we need to see more significant awareness.

The thing that really struck me about it was the unification. I don't know how other women feel about it, but I feel like a lot of women spend a lot of time comparing their self to other women, & other women to other women. But this was putting us all together, even though we had different experiences. The woman who got catcalled once was on the same plane as the woman who gets passed over for promotions was on the same plane as the rape victim.

That felt so good & so important to me.

Ever since I was old enough to understand the meaning of rape, my brain sorted my self firmly into the "nothing that bad has happened to you" category. & while that is still technically true, it was a damaging line of thought.

Multiple of my closest friends have been victims of rape. My heart breaks into thousands of pieces for them. I've seen them be strong & heroic, & I've held them while they had full-blown panic attacks. I have the deepest respect for them & how they've reclaimed their lives.

But it added to downplaying my own pain.

There are various definitions of 'sexual abuse' floating around out there, but most of the ones that don't involve actual rape fit what happened to me. (This is my first time admitting any such thing in anything even remotely public. I won't be giving any more details.) Only in the past couple of years have I actually realized that was true, it was abuse-- I'd minimized it so much in my efforts to not feel sorry for myself. & I'm not telling you all of this so that you'll feel sorry for me.

The point I want to make with this is that everyone's story matters.

Everyone's pain is valid.

The bad stuff that happened to you is bad, inherently, on its own.

What happened to someone else has nothing to do with what happened to you.

No one has any right to say that what you've been through wasn't bad, even if they've been through something worse.

Your pain affects how you live your life. What I went through impacted so much-- the way I dressed, how I spent my time, how I related to other people, how I thought about myself, on & on for years & years.

Please, whatever you've been through, let yourself find healing. A big wound won't heal properly if you keep telling yourself it's just a scratch. & even a scratch needs treatment.