Lydia's Encounter with Les Miserables

I met Lydia through the International Geek Girl Pen Pals Club, followed her on twitter, & quickly found things we have in common. My favorite of those things so far is that we both LOVE Les Miserables, & consider it to have had a part in shaping who we are today. I asked her if she'd write a bit about that for me to share her on this platform, & she did us all the honor of agreeing! Without further ado, here is her tale.

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It started with a challenge. When I was a kid, I listened to my mom’s Les Miserables cassettes and eventually CDs and sang my heart out to every song. I pretended to be Gavroche and then pretended to be Eponine. It was my favorite soundtrack ever. I was jealous when my parents went to the American tour as it came through our town. I begged my mom to let me go next time, so she offered me a challenge. Read the book and I could go. I’m not sure if she thought I would take her up on it, but I think she was curious. She knew my tenacious spirit.

I don’t think she was expecting me to pressure her into going to the bookstore ASAP. We went and I found the full version and the abridged, my 10-year-old mind logically came to the conclusion that I would have a better chance of finishing the abridged version in time if the play came back, and I was right. I promised my mom I would read the full version soon, but asked if the abridged would count for now. She, of course, said yes.

I read the book, I had my mom help me with words I didn’t know and relied on her to best explain the concepts of the book that I couldn’t quite grasp at such a young age. My mom found herself sitting on my bed telling me the struggles of the poor and how revolution can change the world. I don’t think she thought that one day she’d be explaining such deep topics with her little girl, maybe when I was older, but certainly not that young. But, she always said I was an old soul.

This started me on a passion for the impoverished and shunned, whether it be someone who was poor and homeless or someone who was deemed unimportant by society. I took it upon myself to rid the world of this, but slowly came to the realization that it was a big feat for such a small girl. When I was 18, I started feeling quite hopeless – it all started with going to NYC and seeing homelessness everywhere. Springfield, MO does a “great” job of hiding it. My heart and soul broke and I felt like nothing could change. I started thinking about Les Miserables again; thinking about how Hugo put everything on the line to write that book and things did improve for a time. I realized it took more that a few words and giving a coin here and there – it involved being a spokesperson in both political and social environments. I am not much of one for public speaking, so I have avoided going to rallies or speaking to political individuals about this, but I have been working to rid the negative viewpoints people have in my friend groups. Start small, they say. Small things change make the biggest change.

I work to make people look like, well, people and make others see them as human beings. That their pity doesn’t do much to help someone in a rough situation. It has been a long process and I am still working, but I have slowly noticed attitudes changing about those that society deems unworthy, stupid, undesirable, etc.

Les Miserables spoke to my little 10-year-old heart and started a passion no one could ever put out. This passion was doubled, nay tripled, when I actually walked the streets of Paris and talked about the history of the book. Chills, I say. Chills.

I know that it doesn’t seem like much, but I hope one day my words change the way people view the “lowest of society” and that one day we can all start working together to end the strife surrounding us and appreciating everyone for who they are.

This book is filled with self-sacrifice and caring about those in need – it taught me a lot about caring for people, no matter their circumstance and is very often the reminder I need to forgive someone who I have no desire to forgive.

This book has made me a better person and continually challenges me. I hope that, if you read it, this book challenges you, too. 

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THANK YOU LYDIA!
Lydia is a fantastic writer, as you can see, & also a fantastic person. I hope you've enjoyed this read as much as I have! Moreover, I hope that you will feel encouraged to learn more about the things that inspire the people around you, & share your own stories.

Friendship by Degrees

I don't know if other people do this or not, but it's been on my mind lately, so I'm going to type about it.

I think we've all met those people who act like you're immediately great friends. & with some people, they're right! I've had some of my best friendships that way. But some of them, you can tell that they're that way with everyone. & that's perfectly nice of them! I admire their courage, & see their attitude as their way of wanting to value people. But I myself am not that way, & I see my way as okay & valuing people too.

I don't rush into friendships because:
-I just don't have the social energy. If I acted that excited about everyone all the time, I'd be dead.
-I know that it makes some people uncomfortable.
-I feel like it can set up unreasonable expectations-- you can't be best friends with everyone. There's not enough time in the world. We all need healthy boundaries.

So I'm very deliberate about my relationships. It's a challenge, because I value all people, & all people are different... so it's hard to tell how best to show them that I value them. But it's okay, I'm always trying to learn.

Here's a bit of how my process works.

Level 1:
These are familiar names/faces. I try to present myself as friendly & approachable. Smiles. Small talk. Short conversations, short sentences.
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include people I follow on twitter but don't know much about & rarely engage.)

Level 2:
To reach this level, the person must have expressed a level of interest beyond small talk. I will venture to use longer sentences, trusting them to not interrupt, & ask more specific questions about them, also willing to reveal more about myself. Might also proffer invitations to share a meal or some such safe social event. Will also begin to relax from trying to appear all happy all the time. (I'm not very good at that anyway.)
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include people I recognize easily on twitter, & engage deliberately.)

Level 3:
This is as far as most people get with me. If Level 2 goes well, I'd want to start doing things together more regularly. I'd try to remember birthdays, bake cookies, buy trinkets, do favors, all of that kind of stuff. Would also allow myself to be more transparent about when I'm having a bad day & so forth. This is where people fall solidly under the category of "Friend".
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include even MORE deliberate engaging. Might ask about things one mentioned previously, click on more of one's links, eavesdrop on more conversations, visit profile to see if I missed anything, do plenty of retweeting, ask for (& follow through on) recommendations for things... nothing too creepy, I promise. *shifty eyes*)

Level 4:
These are special people! I even swear around them! ;-o But really, it is mostly a comfort level thing. It's hard to define how to reach this level, except to act truly respectful & interested & loving & willing to invest your time. Some people are allowed access to this level even just temporarily, under special circumstances. Then I will text you & cry to you & ask for your help in things & tell you about things that are deeply important to me & sing & dance & be really the truest deepest version of myself.
(Translated to internet friendships... it'd have to get past the internet. & the internet makes it harder for me to gauge how much someone cares. But I do have people who have gone from just internet friends to texting &/or writing letters &/or maybe even meeting up, all that sort of thing. I also have people who have gone from being around me in real life to only being accessible over the internet, but we're still close. It's almost more like somewhere between Level 3 & Level 4, but one does what one can!)

It probably sounds like I overthink this sort of thing way too much. But I only do so because I'm trying to find the best way to care for people. The more something matters to me, the more I consider all of the details & angles.

What are your thoughts? Are you deliberate like I am, or are your relationships more organic? Do you see the value in each system?

Bonus topic:
I was trying to think of which level would include "loaning my favorite books/movies/music/etc" as a demonstration of friendship, but I do that at all levels, as long as I feel like I'll ever see the person again. I have gaps on my shelves that remind me of friendships I'm trying to build. Loaning my precious things feels like an expression of trust + sharing a part of myself. & if nothing comes of it, I can find a new copy, no big deal.