So I wanted to blog about how I'm happiest in a supporting role. & I also wanted to blog about the two settings in which I am most 'in my element'. But the more I thought about each topic, the more I thought it'd be easier to perhaps combine the two. So, this might get a bit convoluted, but bear with me, & I'll try to bear with me too. ;-o I'm not even entirely sure where to start. Let's try talking about each of my two favorite settings in turn, & tie the other bit in as we go.
I'd been to two or three concerts before October 2001, but they were the big kind where you don't talk to anyone & you can't really see what's going on. So my first little bitty concert totally changed the way I saw things. The stage was mere feet away, the audience was standing all crowded together & chattering away, the band was aged 19 to 23, I could see the cords & knobs & hard work, & I fell in love with the whole thing. I got to see that same band over 40 times in the next nine years, & I consider that one of my life's greatest blessings. I got to see many venues, good & bad. I saw crowds of young teenagers & crowds of middle-aged drunks. I saw what happens before & after the show. I worked the merch table, & that became one of my favorite things ever. I have a soft spot for many aspects of the music business, from guitar repair to the mixing of a freshly recorded album, but I most deeply love concerts.
When I go to a concert, I feel like my presence is a gesture of support to whomever I'm there to see. I feel a deep interest in every logistical detail, & I keep an eye on everyone working to make the show happen. I feel a sense of community, & I talk comfortably to strangers as if they are my friends (which is totally outside of my normal behavior). I feel alive, full of energy & hope. When I was seeing the band I saw most often, I was known, & people knew that they could count on me, & that is the feeling that makes me the most happy.
At this stage of my life, I'm making it to about one concert per year. I feel mostly okay with it, because this stage of my life is full of many lovely & important things to fill my time, & I love it. But I do miss being more present in the relationship I have with that enviroment.
The other setting that means the most to me has developed an even deeper connection to my heart than concerts, because of stronger personal involvement. I don't just love being at summer camp, I feel like I *belong* there. I've been told by multiple people that I "glow" when I work at a camp. I've been told by multiple entirely different people that they've rarely if ever seen anyone with a passion for camp like I have, & that I need to do something with that. (I do plan to give more of my life to camp, but, again, this stage of my life isn't really for that purpose.) I spent five summers at various camps. I've done day camp & overnight, Christian & mainstream, special needs & mainstream, kids & adults. I'm sitting here staing at this blinking cursor, wondering how to even put any of it into words. Oh the stress I've been through for camps! There has been blood, sweat, & tears. HAPPILY. You know you're in the right place when you're struggling harder than you ever have, in ways that go against your grain, with a constant underlying feeling that it is absolutely worth it & you'd do it all & more. The pain just becomes part of the expression of love. A common theme with many of my happiest camp moments, as with many of my concert moments, is having people know they could count on me. I was trusted with tasks beyond the responsibilities of my roles, because people knew I would gladly give my all to anything they asked of me. I got to do many little things to help things go smoothly, at camps & at concerts, & that is how I like to live my life. It's a big part of who I am, & how I show love. I try to see what details I can handle to help the people around me, often as in the background as possible. I find joy when someone asks me to do something for them. Sometimes it turns into a bad habit of taking on way too much at once, & I feel super duper bad when I have to let someone down. Other times it gets frustrating because sometimes people just don't see how I'm trying to love them, they have no idea that my behavior springs from caring about them. Different people see love more in different things, & it is important that all people try to grow from that to see more broadly.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Re: #YesAllWomen
You may or may not know about the hashtag #YesAllWomen that had a big surge earlier this year. To explain it quickly in a rather oversimplified way, it was basically women pointing out that as a woman you experience some fear/pressure/discrimination, just for being a woman. & that shouldn't be how it is. But it is how it is. & before we can see significant change, we need to see more significant awareness.
The thing that really struck me about it was the unification. I don't know how other women feel about it, but I feel like a lot of women spend a lot of time comparing their self to other women, & other women to other women. But this was putting us all together, even though we had different experiences. The woman who got catcalled once was on the same plane as the woman who gets passed over for promotions was on the same plane as the rape victim.
That felt so good & so important to me.
Ever since I was old enough to understand the meaning of rape, my brain sorted my self firmly into the "nothing that bad has happened to you" category. & while that is still technically true, it was a damaging line of thought.
Multiple of my closest friends have been victims of rape. My heart breaks into thousands of pieces for them. I've seen them be strong & heroic, & I've held them while they had full-blown panic attacks. I have the deepest respect for them & how they've reclaimed their lives.
But it added to downplaying my own pain.
There are various definitions of 'sexual abuse' floating around out there, but most of the ones that don't involve actual rape fit what happened to me. (This is my first time admitting any such thing in anything even remotely public. I won't be giving any more details.) Only in the past couple of years have I actually realized that was true, it was abuse-- I'd minimized it so much in my efforts to not feel sorry for myself. & I'm not telling you all of this so that you'll feel sorry for me.
The point I want to make with this is that everyone's story matters.
Everyone's pain is valid.
The bad stuff that happened to you is bad, inherently, on its own.
What happened to someone else has nothing to do with what happened to you.
No one has any right to say that what you've been through wasn't bad, even if they've been through something worse.
Your pain affects how you live your life. What I went through impacted so much-- the way I dressed, how I spent my time, how I related to other people, how I thought about myself, on & on for years & years.
Please, whatever you've been through, let yourself find healing. A big wound won't heal properly if you keep telling yourself it's just a scratch. & even a scratch needs treatment.
The thing that really struck me about it was the unification. I don't know how other women feel about it, but I feel like a lot of women spend a lot of time comparing their self to other women, & other women to other women. But this was putting us all together, even though we had different experiences. The woman who got catcalled once was on the same plane as the woman who gets passed over for promotions was on the same plane as the rape victim.
That felt so good & so important to me.
Ever since I was old enough to understand the meaning of rape, my brain sorted my self firmly into the "nothing that bad has happened to you" category. & while that is still technically true, it was a damaging line of thought.
Multiple of my closest friends have been victims of rape. My heart breaks into thousands of pieces for them. I've seen them be strong & heroic, & I've held them while they had full-blown panic attacks. I have the deepest respect for them & how they've reclaimed their lives.
But it added to downplaying my own pain.
There are various definitions of 'sexual abuse' floating around out there, but most of the ones that don't involve actual rape fit what happened to me. (This is my first time admitting any such thing in anything even remotely public. I won't be giving any more details.) Only in the past couple of years have I actually realized that was true, it was abuse-- I'd minimized it so much in my efforts to not feel sorry for myself. & I'm not telling you all of this so that you'll feel sorry for me.
The point I want to make with this is that everyone's story matters.
Everyone's pain is valid.
The bad stuff that happened to you is bad, inherently, on its own.
What happened to someone else has nothing to do with what happened to you.
No one has any right to say that what you've been through wasn't bad, even if they've been through something worse.
Your pain affects how you live your life. What I went through impacted so much-- the way I dressed, how I spent my time, how I related to other people, how I thought about myself, on & on for years & years.
Please, whatever you've been through, let yourself find healing. A big wound won't heal properly if you keep telling yourself it's just a scratch. & even a scratch needs treatment.
Guest Post! INFJ Playlist, by Alex!
Hi friends! We've got something special for you today. I was going to post it yesterday but (I promise this is going somewhere) yesterday got wacky, so I'm posting it today, which works out even better coincidentally because the very first post for our collaborative series over at 1MoreCastle.com is supposed to go live today! So we're having a big ol' collab celebration. (I almost wanted to be clever & try to mash collab with celebration, but then it came out as 'collaboration... oops.) So, here's Alex, to tell us about why he picked the songs he did for his fabulous MBTI Playlist!
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Greetings blog
viewers! My name is Alex and I happen to be Valerie’s friend. She
has generously let me occupy her blog space while she is off knitting
or something. Back in July she and I both had the same idea, to
create a playlist based on our Meyer’s Brigg personality and share
it with friends via social media. Little did either of us know how
many people would end up participating. So many so that I still have
not gotten through everyone’s playlists, and I fully intend to.
Since I started my own playlist I have fully intended to write a blog
explaining why I chose the songs I did. Each one was carefully
chosen, at first. I did start to stray slightly from a strictly
personality based playlist and it became an “Alex based playlist”.
But fear not I am INFJ and my playlist does reflect that, but it also
reflects me perfectly. It is ideally listened to with headphones and
in order. I didn’t place songs randomly. My intention is to take
you through a journey in my shoes, I hope you’re size thirteen. I
want you to feel what I feel, to think what goes through my head, and
to see just what it is like to be me. This also might be a good way
to get to know me as well. In the remainder of the blog I will be
sharing why I chose the songs I chose as well as any relevant lyrics.
I sincerely hope you enjoy listening to this playlist,
and if you haven’t already, share yours!
1.“Sleeping Lessons” by The
Shins
“Just put yourself in my new
shoes,
And see that I do what I do, Because the old guards still defend”
And see that I do what I do, Because the old guards still defend”
A song I included mostly for the feels,
this is what I feel like on my highest of highs.
But the vibe I get is it’s like a justification for “what I do”.
But the vibe I get is it’s like a justification for “what I do”.
2. “Andrew” by Jonwayne
I included this one purely for the
feels.
3. “Under Pressure” by David
Bowie and Queen
“It’s the terror of knowing what
this world is about, watching some good friends scream ‘let me
out’”
The world is a hurting place and I feel
its feels.
4. “Hurt Feelings” by Flight of
the Conchords
“I got hurt feelings…
…I’m crying tears of a Rapper”
This is the feeling of being
misunderstood by everyone, and being forgotten, that I so often have.
5. “Four of Two” by They Might
Giants
“But I knew that the girl would be
coming very soon”
Being led on by a girl who has no
interest in me has happened before, and it sucks.
6. “My Evil Plan to Save the
World” by Five Iron Frenzy
“I have an evil plan to save the
world for every man,
And I think it's better than the way it's being run.
Oh the groundwork's laid,
No Don't be afraid,
I'm sure that I can fix it,
When I figure out the physics.”
And I think it's better than the way it's being run.
Oh the groundwork's laid,
No Don't be afraid,
I'm sure that I can fix it,
When I figure out the physics.”
While not evil, I do have a plan
to save the world
7. “The World’s Greatest
Criminal Mind” Music by Henry Mancini
You might say I think like a criminal
mastermind sometimes, but I have good intentions not ill ones.
8. “The Sound of Silence” By
Simon and Garfunkel
“Hear my words that I might teach
you.
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence.”
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence.”
I rarely feel like anyone takes what I
say very seriously.
9. “The Question Song” By Tom
Wilson
“I don't know, stop asking me the
question.”
People often ask me the same silly
questions over and over, and it annoys me to no end. The actor who
played Biff in Back to the Future (My favorite movie) sang this song.
10. “Goodbye Horses” by Q
Lazzarus and Garvey
“I must disagree sir…won’t you
listen to me?”
Mostly for the feels, but I do wish
people would listen to me. I know what I am talking about most of the
time.
11. “I Don’t Want to Set the
World on Fire” by The Ink Spots
“I don't want to set the world on
fire
I just want to start a flame in your heart”
I just want to start a flame in your heart”
I don’t want or need to be desired by
everyone (or every girl) just one.
12. “You Can Call Me Al” By Paul
Simon
“A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard”
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard”
“You can call me Al”
I am quite soft in the middle (very
sensitive) and I like being called Al. On a more nostalgic note my
parents used to sing this song to me when I was a baby.
13. “We Belong Together” by
Randy Newman
“When we're together,
Grey skies are clear, oh.
And I'll share them, till where I'm less depressed.
And it's sincerely, from the bottom of my heart,
I just can't take it when we're apart.
We belong together,
We belong together.
Yes, we do,
You'll be mine, forever.”
“When we're together,
Grey skies are clear, oh.
And I'll share them, till where I'm less depressed.
And it's sincerely, from the bottom of my heart,
I just can't take it when we're apart.
We belong together,
We belong together.
Yes, we do,
You'll be mine, forever.”
A love song for my (future) bride and
myself
14. “Take Me Home, Country Roads”
by Olivia Newton-John (originally by John Denver)
“…the radio reminds me of my
home far away.”
I always feel like I belong somewhere
else than where I am, in another time another place. And indeed I do
have another home elsewhere.
15 “Feelings” by Morris Albert
“Feelings, nothing more than
feelings”
I speak almost exclusively in feelings.
16. “Robot Parade” by They Might
Be Giants
I am a fun loving robot who likes to
get along with people, and this song captures that perfectly.
17. “Friends” by Flight of the
Conchords
“Friends sing together…
Friends do things together…
Friends do things together…
Friends laugh together…”
I am all about being friendly and also
having good friends.
18. “Someone’s Rockin’ my
Dreamboat” by The Inkspots
“But with love as my guide,
I'll follow the tide,
I'll keep sailing 'til I find you.”
I'll follow the tide,
I'll keep sailing 'til I find you.”
I feel like I belong in the 30s/40s but
more to the point I am usually in a dream like state and looking for
just the right (fill in the blank) (friend, girlfriend, movie, book).
19. “I Will Possess Your Heart”
by Deathcab For Cutie
“You gotta spend some time with
me.
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.”
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.”
Spend time with me and I guarantee
you’ll like me, INFJs are said to be some of people’s favorite
people.
20. “I Want to Break Free” by
Queen
“I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free.”
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free.”
I often get into situations that I feel
trapped, like jobs, or relationships but I’m not the most assertive
person.
21. “Don’t You (Forget About
Me)” By Simple Minds
“Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me”
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me”
Oftentimes I feel left out or forgotten
about entirely.
22. “You Don’t Know Me” By Ben
Folds (Ft. Regina Spektor)
“I wanna ask you -
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?”
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?”
I have been in many relationships
(friendships or otherwise) in which I don’t ever get to know the
other person and vice versa, it is rather strange being friends with
a stranger or even be related to one.
23. “Not Your Kind of People” by
Garbage
“We are not your kind of
people.
You seem kind of phony.
Everything's a lie.
We are not your kind of people.
Something in your makeup.
Don't see eye to eye.”
You seem kind of phony.
Everything's a lie.
We are not your kind of people.
Something in your makeup.
Don't see eye to eye.”
This whole song is a very good
representation of how I feel oftentimes. I think a lot of people are
phony and that is a huge pet peeve of mine. Don’t lie to me, I can
tell when you aren’t telling the truth.
24. “I Wanna Be Like You” sung
by Louis Prima
“I wanna be like you
I wanna walk like you
Talk like you, too”
I wanna walk like you
Talk like you, too”
Sometimes I just want to be like
everyone else and fit in.
25. “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood
Mac
“Don't stop thinking about
tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be better than before
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone”
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be better than before
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone”
I tend to be an optimist and think the
best is yet to come.
26. “Everything You Know is Wrong”
by “Weird Al” Yankovic
“Everything you know is
wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter”
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter”
A silly song, but I often feel like I
know things others don’t and focus on stuff that matters, like
people instead of drama.
27. “Damn Good Times” by They
Might Be Giants
“I'm not much of a natural dancer
But I've got a friend who's a
natural dancer
You could call her a jumpin' bean
She's got ants in her pants and
she's gonna dance”
Mostly for the feels but I do like to
dance sometimes, and quite awkwardly
28. “On the Beautiful Blue Danube”
by Johann Strauss
How I feel when I am feeling at my
best.
29. “Please Do Not Go” by
Violent Femmes
“So please, please, please do not
go
Please, please, please do not go
Please, please, please do not go”
Please, please, please do not go
Please, please, please do not go”
I don’t want to be abandoned or
forgotten about, in romantic situations or just in normal
friendships.
30. “Somewhere Out There” by
Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram
“Somewhere out there
Beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me
And loving me tonight”
Beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me
And loving me tonight”
I know somewhere out there, there is a
girl looking for a guy like me and I am looking for her as well.
31. “They’ll Need a Crane” by
They Might Be Giants
“Don't call me at work again
No, no, the boss still hates me
I'm just tired and I don't love you
anymore”
These are the feelings I feel in the
middle of a bad relationship and the subsequent breakup.
32. “Pictures in My Head” sung
by Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, Swedish Chef, and Dr. Teeth and The
Electric Mayhem
“Is there more I could have said?
Now they’re only pictures in my head.”
Now they’re only pictures in my head.”
Sometimes I feel like my happiest times
are behind me.
33. “Common People” by William
Shatner
“I want to live like common
people
I want to do whatever common people do”
I want to do whatever common people do”
Sometimes I just want to fit in and be
“normal”.
34. “Ramona” by Beck
Though not really supported by the
lyrics, “Ramona” is the girl of my dreams, who may or may not
even exist.
35. “You’ve Got a Friend in Me”
by Randy Newman
“Some other folks might be a
little bit smarter than I am
Bigger and stronger too
Maybe
But none of them
Will ever love you the way I do”
Bigger and stronger too
Maybe
But none of them
Will ever love you the way I do”
My friendship is loyal and unique.
36. “Rainbow Connection” by
Kermit the Frog
“What's so amazing
That keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see
Some day we'll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me”
That keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see
Some day we'll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me”
I often want to find that one thing
that will help me connect with someone, and that often time comes in
the form of daydreaming.
37. “Beautiful Dreamer” by Bobby
Darin
“Beautiful Dreamer, why do you
stare?
Isn’t there someone you know who
would care.
Say you are unhappy because you’re
alone…
Beautiful dreamer, please dry your
eyes.
Don’t you be lonely, just realize,
That I too am lonely, lonely and
blue.
Beautiful dreamer, I’m a dreamer
like you.”
I am such a dreamer, and I often feel
like I am alone in the world, but deep down I know I am not.
38. “If You’re Into It” By
Flight of the Conchords
“If you want me to
I can hang 'round with you
If I only knew
That's what you're into
You and him, him and you
If that's what you're into
Him hangin' 'round around you
You're hangin' 'round, yeah, you're there too”
I can hang 'round with you
If I only knew
That's what you're into
You and him, him and you
If that's what you're into
Him hangin' 'round around you
You're hangin' 'round, yeah, you're there too”
I’d like to find out what someone is
into so I can get to know him or her, but not quite as suggestively
as the song…suggests.
39. “If I Didn’t Care” By The
Ink Spots
“If I didn't care more than words
can say
If I didn't care would I feel this way?
If this isn't love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go 'round and 'round
While my heart stands still?”
If I didn't care would I feel this way?
If this isn't love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go 'round and 'round
While my heart stands still?”
When I care about someone it can get
rather intense.
40. “Whistling in the Dark” By
They Might Be Giants
“A woman came up to me and said
"I'd like to poison your mind
With wrong ideas that appeal to you
Though I am not unkind…
“A woman came up to me and said
"I'd like to poison your mind
With wrong ideas that appeal to you
Though I am not unkind…
…And so I'm having a wonderful
time
But I'd rather be whistling in the dark”
But I'd rather be whistling in the dark”
People often come up to me and say
rather strange things, and I’d often just rather not say anything
to them, or better yet be by myself whistling in the dark.
41. “Skinnamarink” By Sharon,
Lois and Bram
“Skinnamarinky dinky
dink
Skinnamarinky do,
I love you!”
Skinnamarinky do,
I love you!”
I tend to love people, and also use
silly words. On a more personal note, this was a childhood favorite
song of mine.
42. “Every New Day” By Five Iron
Frenzy
“Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again
Man versus himself.
Man versus machine.
Man versus the world.
Mankind versus me.
The struggles go on,
The wisdom I lack,
The burdens keep pilling
Up on my back.
So hard to breathe,
To take the next step.
The mountain is high,
I wait in the depths.
Yearning for grace,
And hoping for peace.”
Man versus machine.
Man versus the world.
Mankind versus me.
The struggles go on,
The wisdom I lack,
The burdens keep pilling
Up on my back.
So hard to breathe,
To take the next step.
The mountain is high,
I wait in the depths.
Yearning for grace,
And hoping for peace.”
This song perfectly encapsulates my
every day struggle to feel self worth, some days it’s easier than
other, sometimes I get overwhelmed by my burdens other times I am
soaring at the top of my game. This is my personal prayer that I pray
so often and almost every time I think of the song or listen to it I
can’t help but well up with so many tears. I love this song with my
entire heart, it’s one of the few that I can that about.
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*returns from knitting or something* Thank you Alex! <3 It's been an honor.
I'm really enjoying using this blog as an outlet for sharing what people are passionate about & why. If you have something you'd like to talk about, let me know!
I'm really enjoying using this blog as an outlet for sharing what people are passionate about & why. If you have something you'd like to talk about, let me know!
Saturday, September 06, 2014
How I HabitRPG
I started using HabitRPG sometime... last... year... I think. Might've been very early this year. It really helped me keep my brain from freaking out, because I had a lot going on plus a lot to get done in just a few months. I used it a lot to help me get my house ready to host folk in our guest room over Indy Pop Con... & there was so very much to get done before that could happen, lemme tell ya. But after Pop Con, my HabitRPG usage faded away, as I just wanted to relax & recover, plus other stuff was in flux that was affecting my schedule & my goals. But schedule stuff is becoming more stable, I'm grasping at new goals, & I have some serious stuff that needs done in a timely fashion. Oh, plus there's an IGGPPC party now! Can't miss that!
Here's a screencap from the website version of my Tasks.
Habits
I use habits as anything that needs done on a regular basis. So you can see chores & responsibilities & stuff there. They are also all things that don't have a definitive 'amount', per se-- so I can sweep one room or the entire house, I can blog a little or schedule things for a month, & then I can decide how much credit I deserve, because I can hit that plus sign multiple times for increased reward. I only have one item with a minus symbol. You can use the minus for things like cheating on your diet. (Yes, I reward/punish myself for how I stand up to social situations. That's probably not something you need on your HabitRPG, but I do well having a reminder of how socially drained I really am, & incentive to hang in there when I'm having to endure social stuff.) I like having the choice each day of whether or not to do any combination of any of these things, & how much.
Dailies
These are things I try to do every day. Even weekends. Whoa. I personally do not even ever want to see anything too productive on this particular list-- this list makes sure that I relax & take time to do things I enjoy. Some days I need to embrace the fact that it is okay to not get anything done. But I am a better person when I take time to read, & manipulate yarn. Even on days that I need to just relax, I like to have a plan in place. I relax by knowing what to expect. That is how my brain works!
To-Dos
To-Dos get done once. So this is your most standard list, easy to relate to what you've probably already done before with pen & paper. I pile this section full of anything that I don't want to forget to do, time-sensitive stuff, stuff that I will need to set aside time to complete, stuff that I just plain want to earn coins for accomplishing. ;-) This is also the list where I most take advantage of the ability to set things as easy, medium, or hard difficulty, & the list where things just sit for a while & turn red. But it doesn't punish me for that in this section. (I think. I'm pretty sure that is right & why I set it up this way.)
How It All Comes Together
I now keep the website pinned in my browser, as well as having the app on my tablet. By now, I have most of my Dailies & Habits memorized, so they're pretty established in my thought process of what to get done with my day. Then I can refer to my To-Dos, evaluate what sort of time I have available, what needs done urgently, blah blah blah... & see if I should start doing one of them (or maybe I already did & forgot to check it off!). & sometime during the day, I like to check in on how much gold I have earned & any items I have found, so I can do fun stuff like buy equipment & hatch eggs. DRAGONS YOU GUYS.
So that's pretty much it! I hope it all made some sort of sense, & gave you a glimpse at my brain I mean uh at HabitRPG. If you have any questions, let me know! I <3 questions!
Friday, August 29, 2014
Once upon a Time, Mild Depression
Now that my husband has blogged about what it was like for him to go through mild depression, it seems natural for me to talk about what it was like for me to be married to someone going through mild depression.
I learned early in our relationship that Jamie can be... well, for lack of a better word, 'moody'. Sometimes something happens that hits him somewhere deep inside, & it affects him for some time. I'd notice it mostly in him being less aware of the feelings of others (I've always loved the way he cares about how others feel), & being hard to engage in conversation or activity or anything happy. Learning not to take it personally was very helpful! ;-o It'd last a couple days or up to a week, but overall, Jamie is a happy & caring person. So in June of last year, when he started acting down, I didn't worry too much. & then when he starting talking about feeling really down, I still didn't worry too much. It was right after he'd spent a week at a huge event doing something he loves, & in my mind I related his feeling down much to how I felt when I'd get home from working at a summer camp. You pour your whole self into this life away from your normal life, & then when you get back to 'normal', you can kind of forget what you really liked about it. So I tried to be encouraging, I told him to give it time, & I cooked yummy foods & let him hide away with his pc games as much as he wanted. But I was wrong. It didn't get better. It got worse. What had come up seeming like a general funk turned into a pervasive dark sadness, frustration, crankiness, lack of initiative, lack of appreciation, loss of joy. As this became apparent, of course my primary responses were sympathy & wanting to do anything I could to help! But lemme tell ya. Some days were so hard. It's hard enough to live with someone who is fighting something so tough, but then when it's constant & some days you need a break too, some days you count on your spouse being there for you but he can't be there like he used to... It was interesting, really-- having Jamie as my friend/boyfriend/fiance/husband was really significant for teaching me to tell someone about my feelings, to let someone help, to see how much better I could feel when I didn't just keep all of my feelings to myself. But when he was in this depression, I couldn't do the very things he'd taught me to do. As he got more used to dealing with his funk, & I got more used to it as well, I found ways to vent to him juuuust a bit, but keep the majority aside to deal with on my own. I found ways to make myself feel a tiny bit better, things like getting out of the house, doling out little bits of my feelings across various friends, soaking every little bit of joy out of little things like making fried chicken & watching Digimon. But it was a rough adjustment. Also, I've been used to being the detail person among the two of us, but I had to take on everything. Jamie could barely make himself focus on one thing at a time, & I needed him to focus on feeling better & getting through his workdays & putting on a good face for the rest of the world. He was basically acting for much of the time, & it took a lot out of him. His job requires him to be nice to people, & help placate them when they aren't entirely pleased. We're both introverts, but Jamie has always felt more drained by being around me than I do by being around him... so when he'd get home from a long day of having to hide his own stress to deal with others', he wanted nothing more than to be alone. So... yeah... a big part of marriage is finding joy in your spouse's joy, being happy when they are happy, wanting to make them happy... When your spouse can't be happy & can sometimes barely be around you, that makes it very hard. Over the course of a year, I took care of my husband, I took care of myself, I took care of my house, I took care of our scheduling... I took care of everything I could by myself. I became good at it. It felt both more & a lot less like being married, because I was definitely doing everything I could to support someone else, someone I loved with everything in me, but there wasn't a lot of response of any kind. I still knew that Jamie loved & appreciated me! But most of the time, I didn't feel special or beautiful or desired, I admit. I generally had to find ways to treat myself, or do without. But there were exceptions, & in a way, they were made all the more special. Jamie made plans for our anniversary, & that was such a huge deal to me. That little trip was probably my happiest time with him in the whole time that the melancholy lasted. There was also the time I came home from Target & told him that I snuggled a Twilight Sparkle, & he went & bought it for me. I feel a warm glow whenever I see it now, I don't think he evens knows that it instantly become one of my favorite things that I own. So it's not that he didn't want to make me feel special & wanted! It just took a lot of effort, because everything took a lot of effort. As hard a time as I'm probably making it sound like I had, it is so so important for you to remember what he was going through. I'm not writing this to complain, or out of resentment & regret. I'm mostly writing this to encourage anyone who might ever be put in a similar situation. I'm writing this for the married people who notice their spouse is sad lately. I'm writing this for anyone who is engaged, dating, or ever might be. I'm writing this so that you can feel that it is real, that it happens, & that it ends. You make it through. You learn, you grow, you live happily ever after in the midst of it all. Life is a huge big complicated mess, & you need to consider that when you're considering binding your life with the life of someone else. Marriage is hard, depression or no. But it is always worth it (in my experience, anyway, which is admittedly limited). If each of you is willing to put the love into it. I went through some other big stuff in my life during this depression thing-- I even did the scariest thing I've ever had to do, something I'd been dreading for years & years, among many other things. I started working with International Geek Girl Pen Pals Club. I made deliberate efforts to make more friends. I installed a floor. A lot of life happened, & a lot of it has been super good. & now, here we are, & Jamie is finding himself post-depression. That has its own issues! Haha. The first day that he was really acting like his old happy self again really hit me. He was excited & bubbly & in that moment I realized how much I had changed my approach to him & our relationship. It has been weird to readjust. Mostly so happy! We've both grown through this experience, & are enjoying rediscovering 'normal', even as we both have new & exciting other things going on in life right now as well.
Special thanks to the few people I told about this while it was going on. <3
I learned early in our relationship that Jamie can be... well, for lack of a better word, 'moody'. Sometimes something happens that hits him somewhere deep inside, & it affects him for some time. I'd notice it mostly in him being less aware of the feelings of others (I've always loved the way he cares about how others feel), & being hard to engage in conversation or activity or anything happy. Learning not to take it personally was very helpful! ;-o It'd last a couple days or up to a week, but overall, Jamie is a happy & caring person. So in June of last year, when he started acting down, I didn't worry too much. & then when he starting talking about feeling really down, I still didn't worry too much. It was right after he'd spent a week at a huge event doing something he loves, & in my mind I related his feeling down much to how I felt when I'd get home from working at a summer camp. You pour your whole self into this life away from your normal life, & then when you get back to 'normal', you can kind of forget what you really liked about it. So I tried to be encouraging, I told him to give it time, & I cooked yummy foods & let him hide away with his pc games as much as he wanted. But I was wrong. It didn't get better. It got worse. What had come up seeming like a general funk turned into a pervasive dark sadness, frustration, crankiness, lack of initiative, lack of appreciation, loss of joy. As this became apparent, of course my primary responses were sympathy & wanting to do anything I could to help! But lemme tell ya. Some days were so hard. It's hard enough to live with someone who is fighting something so tough, but then when it's constant & some days you need a break too, some days you count on your spouse being there for you but he can't be there like he used to... It was interesting, really-- having Jamie as my friend/boyfriend/fiance/husband was really significant for teaching me to tell someone about my feelings, to let someone help, to see how much better I could feel when I didn't just keep all of my feelings to myself. But when he was in this depression, I couldn't do the very things he'd taught me to do. As he got more used to dealing with his funk, & I got more used to it as well, I found ways to vent to him juuuust a bit, but keep the majority aside to deal with on my own. I found ways to make myself feel a tiny bit better, things like getting out of the house, doling out little bits of my feelings across various friends, soaking every little bit of joy out of little things like making fried chicken & watching Digimon. But it was a rough adjustment. Also, I've been used to being the detail person among the two of us, but I had to take on everything. Jamie could barely make himself focus on one thing at a time, & I needed him to focus on feeling better & getting through his workdays & putting on a good face for the rest of the world. He was basically acting for much of the time, & it took a lot out of him. His job requires him to be nice to people, & help placate them when they aren't entirely pleased. We're both introverts, but Jamie has always felt more drained by being around me than I do by being around him... so when he'd get home from a long day of having to hide his own stress to deal with others', he wanted nothing more than to be alone. So... yeah... a big part of marriage is finding joy in your spouse's joy, being happy when they are happy, wanting to make them happy... When your spouse can't be happy & can sometimes barely be around you, that makes it very hard. Over the course of a year, I took care of my husband, I took care of myself, I took care of my house, I took care of our scheduling... I took care of everything I could by myself. I became good at it. It felt both more & a lot less like being married, because I was definitely doing everything I could to support someone else, someone I loved with everything in me, but there wasn't a lot of response of any kind. I still knew that Jamie loved & appreciated me! But most of the time, I didn't feel special or beautiful or desired, I admit. I generally had to find ways to treat myself, or do without. But there were exceptions, & in a way, they were made all the more special. Jamie made plans for our anniversary, & that was such a huge deal to me. That little trip was probably my happiest time with him in the whole time that the melancholy lasted. There was also the time I came home from Target & told him that I snuggled a Twilight Sparkle, & he went & bought it for me. I feel a warm glow whenever I see it now, I don't think he evens knows that it instantly become one of my favorite things that I own. So it's not that he didn't want to make me feel special & wanted! It just took a lot of effort, because everything took a lot of effort. As hard a time as I'm probably making it sound like I had, it is so so important for you to remember what he was going through. I'm not writing this to complain, or out of resentment & regret. I'm mostly writing this to encourage anyone who might ever be put in a similar situation. I'm writing this for the married people who notice their spouse is sad lately. I'm writing this for anyone who is engaged, dating, or ever might be. I'm writing this so that you can feel that it is real, that it happens, & that it ends. You make it through. You learn, you grow, you live happily ever after in the midst of it all. Life is a huge big complicated mess, & you need to consider that when you're considering binding your life with the life of someone else. Marriage is hard, depression or no. But it is always worth it (in my experience, anyway, which is admittedly limited). If each of you is willing to put the love into it. I went through some other big stuff in my life during this depression thing-- I even did the scariest thing I've ever had to do, something I'd been dreading for years & years, among many other things. I started working with International Geek Girl Pen Pals Club. I made deliberate efforts to make more friends. I installed a floor. A lot of life happened, & a lot of it has been super good. & now, here we are, & Jamie is finding himself post-depression. That has its own issues! Haha. The first day that he was really acting like his old happy self again really hit me. He was excited & bubbly & in that moment I realized how much I had changed my approach to him & our relationship. It has been weird to readjust. Mostly so happy! We've both grown through this experience, & are enjoying rediscovering 'normal', even as we both have new & exciting other things going on in life right now as well.
Special thanks to the few people I told about this while it was going on. <3
Friday, July 18, 2014
Lydia's Encounter with Les Miserables
I met Lydia through the International Geek Girl Pen Pals Club, followed her on twitter, & quickly found things we have in common. My favorite of those things so far is that we both LOVE Les Miserables, & consider it to have had a part in shaping who we are today. I asked her if she'd write a bit about that for me to share her on this platform, & she did us all the honor of agreeing! Without further ado, here is her tale.
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It started with a challenge. When I was
a kid, I listened to my mom’s Les Miserables cassettes and
eventually CDs and sang my heart out to every song. I pretended to be
Gavroche and then pretended to be Eponine. It was my favorite
soundtrack ever. I was jealous when my parents went to the American
tour as it came through our town. I begged my mom to let me go next
time, so she offered me a challenge. Read the book and I could go.
I’m not sure if she thought I would take her up on it, but I think
she was curious. She knew my tenacious spirit.
I don’t think
she was expecting me to pressure her into going to the bookstore
ASAP. We went and I found the full version and the abridged, my
10-year-old mind logically came to the conclusion that I would have a
better chance of finishing the abridged version in time if the play
came back, and I was right. I promised my mom I would read the full
version soon, but asked if the abridged would count for now. She, of
course, said yes.
I read the book, I had my mom help me
with words I didn’t know and relied on her to best explain the
concepts of the book that I couldn’t quite grasp at such a young
age. My mom found herself sitting on my bed telling me the struggles
of the poor and how revolution can change the world. I don’t think
she thought that one day she’d be explaining such deep topics with
her little girl, maybe when I was older, but certainly not that
young. But, she always said I was an old soul.
This started me on a passion for the
impoverished and shunned, whether it be someone who was poor and
homeless or someone who was deemed unimportant by society. I took it
upon myself to rid the world of this, but slowly came to the
realization that it was a big feat for such a small girl. When I was
18, I started feeling quite hopeless – it all started with going to
NYC and seeing homelessness everywhere. Springfield, MO does a
“great” job of hiding it. My heart and soul broke and I felt like
nothing could change. I started thinking about Les Miserables again;
thinking about how Hugo put everything on the line to write that book
and things did improve for a time. I realized it took more that a few
words and giving a coin here and there – it involved being a
spokesperson in both political and social environments. I am not much
of one for public speaking, so I have avoided going to rallies or
speaking to political individuals about this, but I have been working
to rid the negative viewpoints people have in my friend groups. Start
small, they say. Small things change make the biggest change.
I work to make people look like, well,
people and make others see them as human beings. That their pity
doesn’t do much to help someone in a rough situation. It has been a
long process and I am still working, but I have slowly noticed
attitudes changing about those that society deems unworthy, stupid,
undesirable, etc.
Les Miserables spoke to my little
10-year-old heart and started a passion no one could ever put out.
This passion was doubled, nay tripled, when I actually walked the
streets of Paris and talked about the history of the book. Chills, I
say. Chills.
I know that it doesn’t seem like
much, but I hope one day my words change the way people view the
“lowest of society” and that one day we can all start working
together to end the strife surrounding us and appreciating everyone
for who they are.
This book is filled with self-sacrifice
and caring about those in need – it taught me a lot about caring
for people, no matter their circumstance and is very often the
reminder I need to forgive someone who I have no desire to forgive.
This book has made me a better person
and continually challenges me. I hope that, if you read it, this book
challenges you, too.
THANK YOU LYDIA!
Lydia is a fantastic writer, as you can see, & also a fantastic person. I hope you've enjoyed this read as much as I have! Moreover, I hope that you will feel encouraged to learn more about the things that inspire the people around you, & share your own stories.
Lydia is a fantastic writer, as you can see, & also a fantastic person. I hope you've enjoyed this read as much as I have! Moreover, I hope that you will feel encouraged to learn more about the things that inspire the people around you, & share your own stories.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Friendship by Degrees
I don't know if other people do this or not, but it's been on my mind lately, so I'm going to type about it.
I think we've all met those people who act like you're immediately great friends. & with some people, they're right! I've had some of my best friendships that way. But some of them, you can tell that they're that way with everyone. & that's perfectly nice of them! I admire their courage, & see their attitude as their way of wanting to value people. But I myself am not that way, & I see my way as okay & valuing people too.
I don't rush into friendships because:
-I just don't have the social energy. If I acted that excited about everyone all the time, I'd be dead.
-I know that it makes some people uncomfortable.
-I feel like it can set up unreasonable expectations-- you can't be best friends with everyone. There's not enough time in the world. We all need healthy boundaries.
So I'm very deliberate about my relationships. It's a challenge, because I value all people, & all people are different... so it's hard to tell how best to show them that I value them. But it's okay, I'm always trying to learn.
Here's a bit of how my process works.
Level 1:
These are familiar names/faces. I try to present myself as friendly & approachable. Smiles. Small talk. Short conversations, short sentences.
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include people I follow on twitter but don't know much about & rarely engage.)
Level 2:
To reach this level, the person must have expressed a level of interest beyond small talk. I will venture to use longer sentences, trusting them to not interrupt, & ask more specific questions about them, also willing to reveal more about myself. Might also proffer invitations to share a meal or some such safe social event. Will also begin to relax from trying to appear all happy all the time. (I'm not very good at that anyway.)
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include people I recognize easily on twitter, & engage deliberately.)
Level 3:
This is as far as most people get with me. If Level 2 goes well, I'd want to start doing things together more regularly. I'd try to remember birthdays, bake cookies, buy trinkets, do favors, all of that kind of stuff. Would also allow myself to be more transparent about when I'm having a bad day & so forth. This is where people fall solidly under the category of "Friend".
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include even MORE deliberate engaging. Might ask about things one mentioned previously, click on more of one's links, eavesdrop on more conversations, visit profile to see if I missed anything, do plenty of retweeting, ask for (& follow through on) recommendations for things... nothing too creepy, I promise. *shifty eyes*)
Level 4:
These are special people! I even swear around them! ;-o But really, it is mostly a comfort level thing. It's hard to define how to reach this level, except to act truly respectful & interested & loving & willing to invest your time. Some people are allowed access to this level even just temporarily, under special circumstances. Then I will text you & cry to you & ask for your help in things & tell you about things that are deeply important to me & sing & dance & be really the truest deepest version of myself.
(Translated to internet friendships... it'd have to get past the internet. & the internet makes it harder for me to gauge how much someone cares. But I do have people who have gone from just internet friends to texting &/or writing letters &/or maybe even meeting up, all that sort of thing. I also have people who have gone from being around me in real life to only being accessible over the internet, but we're still close. It's almost more like somewhere between Level 3 & Level 4, but one does what one can!)
It probably sounds like I overthink this sort of thing way too much. But I only do so because I'm trying to find the best way to care for people. The more something matters to me, the more I consider all of the details & angles.
What are your thoughts? Are you deliberate like I am, or are your relationships more organic? Do you see the value in each system?
Bonus topic:
I was trying to think of which level would include "loaning my favorite books/movies/music/etc" as a demonstration of friendship, but I do that at all levels, as long as I feel like I'll ever see the person again. I have gaps on my shelves that remind me of friendships I'm trying to build. Loaning my precious things feels like an expression of trust + sharing a part of myself. & if nothing comes of it, I can find a new copy, no big deal.
I think we've all met those people who act like you're immediately great friends. & with some people, they're right! I've had some of my best friendships that way. But some of them, you can tell that they're that way with everyone. & that's perfectly nice of them! I admire their courage, & see their attitude as their way of wanting to value people. But I myself am not that way, & I see my way as okay & valuing people too.
I don't rush into friendships because:
-I just don't have the social energy. If I acted that excited about everyone all the time, I'd be dead.
-I know that it makes some people uncomfortable.
-I feel like it can set up unreasonable expectations-- you can't be best friends with everyone. There's not enough time in the world. We all need healthy boundaries.
So I'm very deliberate about my relationships. It's a challenge, because I value all people, & all people are different... so it's hard to tell how best to show them that I value them. But it's okay, I'm always trying to learn.
Here's a bit of how my process works.
Level 1:
These are familiar names/faces. I try to present myself as friendly & approachable. Smiles. Small talk. Short conversations, short sentences.
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include people I follow on twitter but don't know much about & rarely engage.)
Level 2:
To reach this level, the person must have expressed a level of interest beyond small talk. I will venture to use longer sentences, trusting them to not interrupt, & ask more specific questions about them, also willing to reveal more about myself. Might also proffer invitations to share a meal or some such safe social event. Will also begin to relax from trying to appear all happy all the time. (I'm not very good at that anyway.)
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include people I recognize easily on twitter, & engage deliberately.)
Level 3:
This is as far as most people get with me. If Level 2 goes well, I'd want to start doing things together more regularly. I'd try to remember birthdays, bake cookies, buy trinkets, do favors, all of that kind of stuff. Would also allow myself to be more transparent about when I'm having a bad day & so forth. This is where people fall solidly under the category of "Friend".
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include even MORE deliberate engaging. Might ask about things one mentioned previously, click on more of one's links, eavesdrop on more conversations, visit profile to see if I missed anything, do plenty of retweeting, ask for (& follow through on) recommendations for things... nothing too creepy, I promise. *shifty eyes*)
Level 4:
These are special people! I even swear around them! ;-o But really, it is mostly a comfort level thing. It's hard to define how to reach this level, except to act truly respectful & interested & loving & willing to invest your time. Some people are allowed access to this level even just temporarily, under special circumstances. Then I will text you & cry to you & ask for your help in things & tell you about things that are deeply important to me & sing & dance & be really the truest deepest version of myself.
(Translated to internet friendships... it'd have to get past the internet. & the internet makes it harder for me to gauge how much someone cares. But I do have people who have gone from just internet friends to texting &/or writing letters &/or maybe even meeting up, all that sort of thing. I also have people who have gone from being around me in real life to only being accessible over the internet, but we're still close. It's almost more like somewhere between Level 3 & Level 4, but one does what one can!)
It probably sounds like I overthink this sort of thing way too much. But I only do so because I'm trying to find the best way to care for people. The more something matters to me, the more I consider all of the details & angles.
What are your thoughts? Are you deliberate like I am, or are your relationships more organic? Do you see the value in each system?
Bonus topic:
I was trying to think of which level would include "loaning my favorite books/movies/music/etc" as a demonstration of friendship, but I do that at all levels, as long as I feel like I'll ever see the person again. I have gaps on my shelves that remind me of friendships I'm trying to build. Loaning my precious things feels like an expression of trust + sharing a part of myself. & if nothing comes of it, I can find a new copy, no big deal.
Tuesday, June 03, 2014
Indy Pop Con - My Art Haul
I was going to do one post about Indy Pop Con, but oh, too many things. So I'm going to start by just talking about ART. My second favorite thing about the whole con was checking out the art, telling the artists how cool their stuff is, gathering business cards, & staring longingly for embarrassing lengths of time... So to start, let's show off what I took home. In really bad unaltered camera phone photos!
I got a large print from each of my two favorite artist booths. Lemme tell you where to find them + their stuffs on the web.
Left:
kreugan.com
@kreugan
http://kreugan.tumblr.com/
kreugan@gmail.com
Right:
gallery.dauntingfire.com
@dauntdraws
http://dauntingfire.tumblr.com/
http://society6.com/daunt
FANTASTIC, right? & they are sweeties. I got more.
The bottom three are more Daunt. The DA2 is another Kreugan. &... the Canada sketch is by Andrew Carreiro! Who is a web designer. He was with the 1 More Castle booth. Not as an artist. Soooooo you might say I got an exclusive.
I also got a poster from Norm Breyfogle, & Guy Gilchrist added a doodle with his autograph in my Muppet comic book. They were both really cool guys.
Other things of interest:
http://www.ramonecologne.com/ (I will probably use this online shop, his prices are great & so is the art)
@crescentwench (cosplay lady)
Daydreams & Giggles
http://xypher316.deviantart.com/
http://stevepalenicastudios.com/
http://cmherndon.tumblr.com/ (no really, he drew Bill Nye, & has Doctor Who stuff that even non-Whovians can love)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/trois_lapins_studio/ (arts & jewelrys)
https://www.etsy.com/shop/dallasp92 (jewelry)
Left:
kreugan.com
@kreugan
http://kreugan.tumblr.com/
kreugan@gmail.com
Right:
gallery.dauntingfire.com
@dauntdraws
http://dauntingfire.tumblr.com/
http://society6.com/daunt
FANTASTIC, right? & they are sweeties. I got more.
The bottom three are more Daunt. The DA2 is another Kreugan. &... the Canada sketch is by Andrew Carreiro! Who is a web designer. He was with the 1 More Castle booth. Not as an artist. Soooooo you might say I got an exclusive.
I also got a poster from Norm Breyfogle, & Guy Gilchrist added a doodle with his autograph in my Muppet comic book. They were both really cool guys.
Other things of interest:
http://www.ramonecologne.com/ (I will probably use this online shop, his prices are great & so is the art)
@crescentwench (cosplay lady)
Daydreams & Giggles
http://xypher316.deviantart.com/
http://stevepalenicastudios.com/
http://cmherndon.tumblr.com/ (no really, he drew Bill Nye, & has Doctor Who stuff that even non-Whovians can love)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/trois_lapins_studio/ (arts & jewelrys)
https://www.etsy.com/shop/dallasp92 (jewelry)
Friday, May 09, 2014
Love Languages, More or Less
You might be familiar with the concept of the five love languages. In his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Gary Chapman expresses that they are: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, & gifts. Basically, his point is that different people value these different things to different extents, so in order to best love someone you need to find out which they value most & use those to demonstrate your affections.
Which is all well & good.
But the more I live life, the more I try to love & be loved, the more I crave love... the more I think it's both more & less complicated than that.
I really just like to know that someone thought of me. & I try to apply that to how I love others, more than any particular 'language'. Even within each language Gary Chapman lists, I find I have a whole range of feelings-- I adore hugs (from most people anyway), but I don't always like to be touched. Some gifts are super generic & don't make me feel much of anything, but sometimes the simplest tiny gift can express a lot. Some words of affirmation are just tossed about, & some are from the heart.
If you love someone, you'll pay attention to them. That's the root. You defer to their whims, you study their tastes, you listen when they talk. You learn to notice when they're stressed out, & how to help them relax. You see when they did something that was hard for them, & you encourage them. You figure out their sense of humor. You stand up for them. You let them go first. You give them the bigger slice.
To use a personal example... I've learned that my husband likes to be given opportunity to be spontaneous. So sometimes I try to analyze if he could use an evening out of the house, & just spring on him with "let's go out", & give him total control of where we go & what we do. I think it makes him feel trusted, & that his opinions are valued. On the other hand, I like to have things planned out in advance. That makes me feel like someone cared enough about me to think through all of the details. So my husband can show me love by thinking ahead, plotting out what I might like.
I'm not writing to totally discount the Love Languages concept, but I do want to encourage us all to not put love in a box. Use all of the languages, & learn new ones. Love people any way you can, & try to see the love in what people do for you.
-------
Bonus! Some of my 'other' love languages, off the top of my head:
-food
-80s references
-book recommendations
-compliments on my house
-questions about my life & my opinions
-involving me in your life by letting me help with something or just venting to me about a problem
-not interrupting me
Which is all well & good.
But the more I live life, the more I try to love & be loved, the more I crave love... the more I think it's both more & less complicated than that.
I really just like to know that someone thought of me. & I try to apply that to how I love others, more than any particular 'language'. Even within each language Gary Chapman lists, I find I have a whole range of feelings-- I adore hugs (from most people anyway), but I don't always like to be touched. Some gifts are super generic & don't make me feel much of anything, but sometimes the simplest tiny gift can express a lot. Some words of affirmation are just tossed about, & some are from the heart.
If you love someone, you'll pay attention to them. That's the root. You defer to their whims, you study their tastes, you listen when they talk. You learn to notice when they're stressed out, & how to help them relax. You see when they did something that was hard for them, & you encourage them. You figure out their sense of humor. You stand up for them. You let them go first. You give them the bigger slice.
To use a personal example... I've learned that my husband likes to be given opportunity to be spontaneous. So sometimes I try to analyze if he could use an evening out of the house, & just spring on him with "let's go out", & give him total control of where we go & what we do. I think it makes him feel trusted, & that his opinions are valued. On the other hand, I like to have things planned out in advance. That makes me feel like someone cared enough about me to think through all of the details. So my husband can show me love by thinking ahead, plotting out what I might like.
I'm not writing to totally discount the Love Languages concept, but I do want to encourage us all to not put love in a box. Use all of the languages, & learn new ones. Love people any way you can, & try to see the love in what people do for you.
-------
Bonus! Some of my 'other' love languages, off the top of my head:
-food
-80s references
-book recommendations
-compliments on my house
-questions about my life & my opinions
-involving me in your life by letting me help with something or just venting to me about a problem
-not interrupting me
Friday, April 11, 2014
Boy Meets Girl
This is the story of how I met the man I call my husband (& in fact up through how we started dating). I don't assume that anyone cares, but we do get asked a lot. (After all, we were both homeschooled. How do homeschooled people even ever meet other human beings?) & the plot twists are fun.
-------
Our story begins when I was thirteen (2001). I had a friend named Sarah. Sarah was special to me because she lived less than three miles away from me. That was less than half as far as my best guy friend, not to mention like seven times closer than my best girl friend. (I could go on about how it's weird that we were ever friends, but I'll just leave it at 'being a kid is hard'.) Sarah was in 4H. She invited me to go with her to a bonfire/pitch-in/games thing that was somehow related to 4H. I said yes. (I then found out that a band I'd been SUPER interested in for MONTHS was going to be playing a concert in town the SAME DAY, & I was SUPER SAD. Except then I noticed that the concert was ACTUALLY the night BEFORE, so I got to go to BOTH, & IT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER.) So we get to the thing, & literally as soon as we get out of the car she runs off to hang out with her 4H buddies & leaves me in the literal dust. BUT I ROCKED IT. GOOD JOB, THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD ME. Very proud. I talked with a couple of nice girls, but mostly ended up hanging out with a boy & his sister. This boy happened to be named Jamie, & that moment struck me as Oh Snap, This Could Be The End of a Friendship, because I knew that Jamie was the boy that Sarah (--& all of the other girls, from what I understood) totally had a crush on. Oops. (No way was I going to tell her that he called me attractive. [Tip: 15-year-old boys shouldn't be calling anyone attractive anyway.])
But it never came up, it was totally cool.
If all you wanted to know was the literal answer to how we literally met the literal first time, you can literally stop reading now.
I was supposed to go with Sarah to a 4H-related Skating Party a few months later (ooooh, ahhhhh, might see that boy again), but she got grounded. Which really was the more End of a Friendship moment, because I was recognizing the pattern of her getting grounded when we were supposed to do things, + only calling me as a back-up when her other friends were busy anyway, + not really having much in common with me. So, there went my chances of ever seeing that boy again. & his sister was so nice too. A real shame.
*nearly three-year intermission*
2004 was an intense year for me. Lots of stuff happened. Most relevant to the story, I got my first job with a real paycheck & paying taxes & everything! It was just a temporary gig, one of many helping out in one department of many in one building of many at the Indiana State Fair. It was a great job though. I cleaned a lot of glass, told a lot of people where to find the nearest restroom, went up & down a lot of stairs. My coworkers included not only my mom, but a couple of guys & their mom. Oh, one of those guys was Jamie. Turns out his entire family is pretty great! & they thought I was pretty great! Jamie was pretty cool to hang out with most of the time, but he acted a bit weird. I couldn't tell if he liked me or not, much less remembered me or not. But he rambled on to me about violins, various interpretations of Revelations, Kings Island, & other stuff. Oh, & this one time, I was posted at the front door when he walked up through the rain completely drenched & miserable. That isn't relevant to anything, but I'll never forget it. There was also this one part where I caught myself staring at how handsome he looked in the hat he was wearing at the time. (But it's not like I had a crush on him. That'd be illogical.)
I hung out with his family a couple of times in following year, but life & stuff made things busy... add to which I hate making phone calls... add to which even though his family liked me, none of them in particular was attached enough to me to call me to hang out...
*insert going about life, doing many things, learning many things*
In the autumn of 2006, a website called Facebook, which had previously required a college-affiliated e-mail address in order to register, no longer required a college-affiliated e-mail address in order to register! That was fun for me since I didn't go to college but made a bunch of friends who lived in other states (via working at summer camps + hanging around a couple of internet forums, aw yeah).
*insert more life & more things & more learning*
In the autumn of 2007, Jamie's mom found me on facebook. Then his brother did. & then he did. & he sent me a message in which he said that he MISSED ME. Exact words: "really missed". + "we need to hang out sometime". Thus commenced much messaging, including planning for me to go with him & his mom (+ one of his sisters, & one of his coworkers) to a haunted house. So, when I saw him for the first time in over two years, he was wearing these black pants with an extravagant amount of metal-- spikes & buckles & chains & stuff! He looked like a total punk. He was just trying to get into the Halloween-y spirit, but it was NOT what I was expecting. I was also not expecting to feel metaphorically struck by lightning. It was super weird. It was like I saw him & something inside me said "guess what? you're going to marry that guy", & it felt like electric shock, & I spent the rest of the evening reminding myself quite insistently that I don't believe in that sort of thing. I figured maybe like one couple in a thousand can have a genuine love-at-first-sight kind of thing. My mom's cousin's husband says it was like that for him. (His wife didn't feel it. ;-)) Besides, he looked like a punk, & not at ALL the type of guy with whom I ever thought I'd end up romantically entangled. I was researching internships at the time, internships in entire other states, which would more than likely lead to jobs in entire other states. I had planned to settle my career before getting attracted to some guy. But noooooooo. Over the next couple of months he quickly earned his way to being my best friend, & with a lot (a LOT) of prayer (+ one of the clearest times I've ever "heard" God "speak" to me), I decided to say yes when he inevitably (he was ridiculously hopelessly falling for me) asked me to be his girlfriend. Which he did at around 2:20am on January 1st, 2008.
-------
Our story begins when I was thirteen (2001). I had a friend named Sarah. Sarah was special to me because she lived less than three miles away from me. That was less than half as far as my best guy friend, not to mention like seven times closer than my best girl friend. (I could go on about how it's weird that we were ever friends, but I'll just leave it at 'being a kid is hard'.) Sarah was in 4H. She invited me to go with her to a bonfire/pitch-in/games thing that was somehow related to 4H. I said yes. (I then found out that a band I'd been SUPER interested in for MONTHS was going to be playing a concert in town the SAME DAY, & I was SUPER SAD. Except then I noticed that the concert was ACTUALLY the night BEFORE, so I got to go to BOTH, & IT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER.) So we get to the thing, & literally as soon as we get out of the car she runs off to hang out with her 4H buddies & leaves me in the literal dust. BUT I ROCKED IT. GOOD JOB, THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD ME. Very proud. I talked with a couple of nice girls, but mostly ended up hanging out with a boy & his sister. This boy happened to be named Jamie, & that moment struck me as Oh Snap, This Could Be The End of a Friendship, because I knew that Jamie was the boy that Sarah (--& all of the other girls, from what I understood) totally had a crush on. Oops. (No way was I going to tell her that he called me attractive. [Tip: 15-year-old boys shouldn't be calling anyone attractive anyway.])
But it never came up, it was totally cool.
If all you wanted to know was the literal answer to how we literally met the literal first time, you can literally stop reading now.
I was supposed to go with Sarah to a 4H-related Skating Party a few months later (ooooh, ahhhhh, might see that boy again), but she got grounded. Which really was the more End of a Friendship moment, because I was recognizing the pattern of her getting grounded when we were supposed to do things, + only calling me as a back-up when her other friends were busy anyway, + not really having much in common with me. So, there went my chances of ever seeing that boy again. & his sister was so nice too. A real shame.
*nearly three-year intermission*
2004 was an intense year for me. Lots of stuff happened. Most relevant to the story, I got my first job with a real paycheck & paying taxes & everything! It was just a temporary gig, one of many helping out in one department of many in one building of many at the Indiana State Fair. It was a great job though. I cleaned a lot of glass, told a lot of people where to find the nearest restroom, went up & down a lot of stairs. My coworkers included not only my mom, but a couple of guys & their mom. Oh, one of those guys was Jamie. Turns out his entire family is pretty great! & they thought I was pretty great! Jamie was pretty cool to hang out with most of the time, but he acted a bit weird. I couldn't tell if he liked me or not, much less remembered me or not. But he rambled on to me about violins, various interpretations of Revelations, Kings Island, & other stuff. Oh, & this one time, I was posted at the front door when he walked up through the rain completely drenched & miserable. That isn't relevant to anything, but I'll never forget it. There was also this one part where I caught myself staring at how handsome he looked in the hat he was wearing at the time. (But it's not like I had a crush on him. That'd be illogical.)
I hung out with his family a couple of times in following year, but life & stuff made things busy... add to which I hate making phone calls... add to which even though his family liked me, none of them in particular was attached enough to me to call me to hang out...
*insert going about life, doing many things, learning many things*
In the autumn of 2006, a website called Facebook, which had previously required a college-affiliated e-mail address in order to register, no longer required a college-affiliated e-mail address in order to register! That was fun for me since I didn't go to college but made a bunch of friends who lived in other states (via working at summer camps + hanging around a couple of internet forums, aw yeah).
*insert more life & more things & more learning*
In the autumn of 2007, Jamie's mom found me on facebook. Then his brother did. & then he did. & he sent me a message in which he said that he MISSED ME. Exact words: "really missed". + "we need to hang out sometime". Thus commenced much messaging, including planning for me to go with him & his mom (+ one of his sisters, & one of his coworkers) to a haunted house. So, when I saw him for the first time in over two years, he was wearing these black pants with an extravagant amount of metal-- spikes & buckles & chains & stuff! He looked like a total punk. He was just trying to get into the Halloween-y spirit, but it was NOT what I was expecting. I was also not expecting to feel metaphorically struck by lightning. It was super weird. It was like I saw him & something inside me said "guess what? you're going to marry that guy", & it felt like electric shock, & I spent the rest of the evening reminding myself quite insistently that I don't believe in that sort of thing. I figured maybe like one couple in a thousand can have a genuine love-at-first-sight kind of thing. My mom's cousin's husband says it was like that for him. (His wife didn't feel it. ;-)) Besides, he looked like a punk, & not at ALL the type of guy with whom I ever thought I'd end up romantically entangled. I was researching internships at the time, internships in entire other states, which would more than likely lead to jobs in entire other states. I had planned to settle my career before getting attracted to some guy. But noooooooo. Over the next couple of months he quickly earned his way to being my best friend, & with a lot (a LOT) of prayer (+ one of the clearest times I've ever "heard" God "speak" to me), I decided to say yes when he inevitably (he was ridiculously hopelessly falling for me) asked me to be his girlfriend. Which he did at around 2:20am on January 1st, 2008.
Saturday, March 08, 2014
Beyond First Impressions
When you first see/meet someone, you are going to make judgements & assumptions, based on all kinds of things-- context, social norms, visual cues, clothing. This is a natural thing that your brain does, & it is an important function because your brain needs some idea of what to expect so it can prepare an appropriate response. You are then going to process these initial ideas through your own personal value system. That's also a good thing, because you need to know where you stand on things & not be a robot. (No offense to robots.)
The thing that becomes a problem is when your judgements & assumptions are wrong. How do you handle that? Do you even notice? Or do you continue your relationship with that person in a way that tries to fit them into an unsuitable mold?
You & the people around you will be happiest when each of you is allowed to pursue the best version of his/her own self. Just because you love being married doesn't mean everyone should get married. Just because you love to read doesn't mean that everyone should spend all of their spare time reading. Your high regard for people who are a certain way doesn't mean you should invalidate people who aren't.
You don't need to feel bad for people who are different than you... & you shouldn't feel bad for being different than others.
I spent years of my life struggling with whether or not I should be more "like the others". More girly? More outgoing? More outdoorsy? More smart? Less smart? Less outdoorsy? Less outgoing? (--nope, never had the problem of being too girly.) I've been too quiet, too overbearing, too picky, not assertive enough, not trendy enough, not social enough.
Some things always ring true-- you can't please everyone. Not because you aren't good enough, but because everyone is going to have different ideas. You know that in your head, let it sink in.
Don't set yourself up for failure by caving in to what you know isn't for you.
Set others free from the preconceptions into which you've locked them.
The thing that becomes a problem is when your judgements & assumptions are wrong. How do you handle that? Do you even notice? Or do you continue your relationship with that person in a way that tries to fit them into an unsuitable mold?
You & the people around you will be happiest when each of you is allowed to pursue the best version of his/her own self. Just because you love being married doesn't mean everyone should get married. Just because you love to read doesn't mean that everyone should spend all of their spare time reading. Your high regard for people who are a certain way doesn't mean you should invalidate people who aren't.
You don't need to feel bad for people who are different than you... & you shouldn't feel bad for being different than others.
I spent years of my life struggling with whether or not I should be more "like the others". More girly? More outgoing? More outdoorsy? More smart? Less smart? Less outdoorsy? Less outgoing? (--nope, never had the problem of being too girly.) I've been too quiet, too overbearing, too picky, not assertive enough, not trendy enough, not social enough.
Some things always ring true-- you can't please everyone. Not because you aren't good enough, but because everyone is going to have different ideas. You know that in your head, let it sink in.
Don't set yourself up for failure by caving in to what you know isn't for you.
Set others free from the preconceptions into which you've locked them.
Friday, February 21, 2014
The Weakest Link
I am good at a lot of things. But most of them have nothing to do with successfully interacting with a group of people in a relaxed social setting. I love being surrounded by people whom I love... but it can feel like my roughest & weakest times. I can fall apart quickly. I get drained by the noise & the interaction. I can get hung up in a bad way if I get interrupted &/or misunderstood.
I tend to be the most introverted person in a group. Also the most literal, the least intuitive, the most detail-oriented, the least afraid of conflict. Oh, & I tend to look/sound like I'm having a bad time, even when I'm not. So when the purpose of a gathering is to just be with people, hang out, have fun... I can get nervous because I feel like the way I am isn't a lot of fun for other people to be around in that context, mostly just because my idea of hanging out & having fun tends to be inherently different from the general consensus.
& THAT'S OKAY. It's okay for groups of people to be okay with talking over each other, glossing over comments that don't actually make any sense, playing a game & arguing about the rules, making spontaneous decisions without thinking through the details, etc. I am by no means trying to say that that sort of thing is BAD. It'd be closer to the truth to say that I'm jealous.
I'd love to be part of that chaos. If I could just laugh & make small talk, I would in a heartbeat. The best I can do is wear a smile & try to just ride the wave.
So there they are, so many people I love, having a great time. & there I am, trying to be a part of that, working to fit in to what comes naturally for them. It is one of the most challenging things for me, but I see it as a way to show love. To show gratitude for someone wanting me to be a part of the group in the first place. To share experiences, to build a relationship, to be present in the lives of others. If I never go to events, will people know that I care about them? When possible, I will spend all the energy I can spare, to be a part of that moment for the ones I love. When it isn't possible, I'm learning to be okay with staying home, trying to trust that there will be other ways for me to engage with their lives.
The more I actually relax at this sort of gathering, the more likely I am to disturb the natural flow. If I relax, I'll try to talk to people beyond surface level, & I'll get frustrated when they interrupt or take what I say the wrong way. I'll try to help someone understand something that wasn't explained well, & everyone will look impatient & wonder why I bother. I'll ask a question to try to figure something out, & people will act like I'm worried about something stupid.
"It's okay", they say, & they try to calm me down (which feels weird, since I am calm). They change the subject, when all I really want is to resolve the issue, for us to understand each other. But that's not the point of the gathering for them.
& that's okay.
I tend to be the most introverted person in a group. Also the most literal, the least intuitive, the most detail-oriented, the least afraid of conflict. Oh, & I tend to look/sound like I'm having a bad time, even when I'm not. So when the purpose of a gathering is to just be with people, hang out, have fun... I can get nervous because I feel like the way I am isn't a lot of fun for other people to be around in that context, mostly just because my idea of hanging out & having fun tends to be inherently different from the general consensus.
& THAT'S OKAY. It's okay for groups of people to be okay with talking over each other, glossing over comments that don't actually make any sense, playing a game & arguing about the rules, making spontaneous decisions without thinking through the details, etc. I am by no means trying to say that that sort of thing is BAD. It'd be closer to the truth to say that I'm jealous.
I'd love to be part of that chaos. If I could just laugh & make small talk, I would in a heartbeat. The best I can do is wear a smile & try to just ride the wave.
So there they are, so many people I love, having a great time. & there I am, trying to be a part of that, working to fit in to what comes naturally for them. It is one of the most challenging things for me, but I see it as a way to show love. To show gratitude for someone wanting me to be a part of the group in the first place. To share experiences, to build a relationship, to be present in the lives of others. If I never go to events, will people know that I care about them? When possible, I will spend all the energy I can spare, to be a part of that moment for the ones I love. When it isn't possible, I'm learning to be okay with staying home, trying to trust that there will be other ways for me to engage with their lives.
The more I actually relax at this sort of gathering, the more likely I am to disturb the natural flow. If I relax, I'll try to talk to people beyond surface level, & I'll get frustrated when they interrupt or take what I say the wrong way. I'll try to help someone understand something that wasn't explained well, & everyone will look impatient & wonder why I bother. I'll ask a question to try to figure something out, & people will act like I'm worried about something stupid.
"It's okay", they say, & they try to calm me down (which feels weird, since I am calm). They change the subject, when all I really want is to resolve the issue, for us to understand each other. But that's not the point of the gathering for them.
& that's okay.
Friday, February 14, 2014
ISTJ: The Early Years
Thought I'd share a couple stories from when I was around five to seven years old, that upon looking back strike me as affirmations that I've always been this way.
I remember standing in the hallway looking up at my dad, & I don't remember what sparked it (I think nothing, actually, but won't swear on it), but he accusingly asked me if I'd just rolled my eyes at him. I said that I didn't think so, but don't know what it means. He explained, complete with a demonstration, & I replied that I hadn't done that, but it could look like I did because I have to look up to see him since he's so much taller than I am. I got sent to my room.
I wasn't going to eat cooked carrots, are you crazy? Those are so icky. I was told I'd be sitting at the table until I ate the carrots. I knew that this could not actually happen, as life has many other factors. I had a bedtime. Carrots can mold eventually. My parents wouldn't let me starve, or make me eat moldy food. I sat at the table until told to go to bed. & was never again told to eat vegetables I didn't want. (My mom would give me raw carrots, or some other vegetable that I didn't mind. Good solution.)
I once accidentally said that I didn't know about something that I did in fact know. But as the person I was with explained the thing that I did in fact know, they tossed in some information I hadn't previously known. This led me to a brief phase of playing ignorant in hopes that this tactic would work for more things... but it really didn't, it mostly just got me looked at funny. Thus I decided that deceit was not as rewarding as sometimes made out to be.
My first grade class got a new kid. I described her to my mom as "not as brown" as a particular other classmate, but "more brown" than another.
I remember standing in the hallway looking up at my dad, & I don't remember what sparked it (I think nothing, actually, but won't swear on it), but he accusingly asked me if I'd just rolled my eyes at him. I said that I didn't think so, but don't know what it means. He explained, complete with a demonstration, & I replied that I hadn't done that, but it could look like I did because I have to look up to see him since he's so much taller than I am. I got sent to my room.
I wasn't going to eat cooked carrots, are you crazy? Those are so icky. I was told I'd be sitting at the table until I ate the carrots. I knew that this could not actually happen, as life has many other factors. I had a bedtime. Carrots can mold eventually. My parents wouldn't let me starve, or make me eat moldy food. I sat at the table until told to go to bed. & was never again told to eat vegetables I didn't want. (My mom would give me raw carrots, or some other vegetable that I didn't mind. Good solution.)
I once accidentally said that I didn't know about something that I did in fact know. But as the person I was with explained the thing that I did in fact know, they tossed in some information I hadn't previously known. This led me to a brief phase of playing ignorant in hopes that this tactic would work for more things... but it really didn't, it mostly just got me looked at funny. Thus I decided that deceit was not as rewarding as sometimes made out to be.
My first grade class got a new kid. I described her to my mom as "not as brown" as a particular other classmate, but "more brown" than another.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Bravely Default Demo
I was about to wash dishes, but the sink needs washed even more than the dishes do, so I'm letting it soak in magic cleaning magic. So I'm taking this time to quickly talk to you about the Bravely Default demo.
Bravely Default is a tactical turn-based rpg from Square Enix, for the Nintendo 3DS. It isn't even released yet, but the demo is turning heads.
The thing that Bravely Default wants to present to you as new & shiny is the 'brave' & 'default' elements of the battles. It's basically the ability to hold back a turn (or multiple) to do something more powerful later. It is pretty nifty. But not really life-altering. I don't need life-altering in a turn-based rpg though, they are my favorite. Also, I'm sure it'll be a more significant factor later in the game.
There's also a facet of rebuilding a town, which is pretty much just an add-on but I think it's a fascinating feature with a lot of potential. You can gather workers via Street Pass to help your projects go faster, or you can just plug away with the one lonely worker they grant you to begin. You can also use/help your friends in battle. So social! Much depth! Wow! It feels nice to me that they put a lot of attention into optional features.
The art & music are really beautiful. Allow me to be that girl for a moment: Not only is your team half male & half female, but any character can be any job, & all of the outfits are super cool without being overly sexualized. The ladies' most exaggerated features are their hips & thighs, which I think is so much fun. Everyone wears great hats & boots & has wacky hair-- it's definitely not one of those "here's a warrior, there's a ninja, oh look BOOBS that one is a girl" sort of scenario.
There are one or two things that took me a little while to really figure out, but it's pretty intuitive overall. It's a bit bland at the very beginning, but rewarding when you start leveling up, unlocking more skills, being able to afford more stuff, & gaining the confidence to explore more areas.
Verdict: I want this game. I am going to play the life out of this demo.
Bravely Default is a tactical turn-based rpg from Square Enix, for the Nintendo 3DS. It isn't even released yet, but the demo is turning heads.
The thing that Bravely Default wants to present to you as new & shiny is the 'brave' & 'default' elements of the battles. It's basically the ability to hold back a turn (or multiple) to do something more powerful later. It is pretty nifty. But not really life-altering. I don't need life-altering in a turn-based rpg though, they are my favorite. Also, I'm sure it'll be a more significant factor later in the game.
There's also a facet of rebuilding a town, which is pretty much just an add-on but I think it's a fascinating feature with a lot of potential. You can gather workers via Street Pass to help your projects go faster, or you can just plug away with the one lonely worker they grant you to begin. You can also use/help your friends in battle. So social! Much depth! Wow! It feels nice to me that they put a lot of attention into optional features.
The art & music are really beautiful. Allow me to be that girl for a moment: Not only is your team half male & half female, but any character can be any job, & all of the outfits are super cool without being overly sexualized. The ladies' most exaggerated features are their hips & thighs, which I think is so much fun. Everyone wears great hats & boots & has wacky hair-- it's definitely not one of those "here's a warrior, there's a ninja, oh look BOOBS that one is a girl" sort of scenario.
There are one or two things that took me a little while to really figure out, but it's pretty intuitive overall. It's a bit bland at the very beginning, but rewarding when you start leveling up, unlocking more skills, being able to afford more stuff, & gaining the confidence to explore more areas.
Verdict: I want this game. I am going to play the life out of this demo.
Thursday, January 09, 2014
13/14
Hi friends! Due to a clerical error, I find myself with time... & due to other things, I find myself not wanting to do much with aforementioned time. So I'm going to toss out some thoughts. Just for you.
2013 was a big year, for me & my husband. We went through a lot of things, some very personal that shall leave marks etched in our hearts for all time. But we grew a lot, & as we enter this new year that feels so very rewarding.
One of the biggest lessons I learned was to let go of my previous notions of how I needed to build relationships, & with whom. This was a banner year for working out what it means to be an introvert (& to embrace being an introvert), & part of that for me meant giving up on previous methods of dealing with people. I freakin' love people, & a major part of my entire mindset is that people & relationships with them are the most important thing there possibly is outside of one's own relationship with God. I still feel that way, but I've had to learn that I need to take care of myself before I can have healthy relationships. & I need to let situations be what they are, without forcing upon them any of my own ideas of How This Should Work. Actually, basically what I did what let go of control entirely. Poof. I pretty much declared myself on vacation from trying to deepen relationships &/or make them happen. I decided to try to just enjoy social interactions & be comfortable, instead of trying to fix things & stressing myself out. & you know what happened? I made new friends. Like, actual new friends, whom I can text, invite to my house, that sort of thing. I also found lots of development happening with friendships I'd had that had been at the same level for a while. CRAZY, RIGHT? So yeah, it's been awesome. I'm more rested, more myself, & in fact more connected with more people.
I think many of us struggle with a skewed vision of how friendships happen & why & so forth. Everyone I've talked to about the topic has admitted to having a lot of disappointments & hurts. I think it's a little bit funny when I come across things on the internet that say those things like Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations about Hair/Men/Wildlife/Australia/whatevs, because really I think Friendships should be the one leading the pack. But anyway. It's nice to finally feel like I'm moving in a right direction.
As I try to be more awake, I realize that perhaps this post might come across as selfish? Like, "I can't be bothered to work at friendships, I'm too busy taking care of MEEEEEE"? But that's not what I mean, I promise. I just mean finding a better balance. Forgive my fussy brain.
2013 was a big year, for me & my husband. We went through a lot of things, some very personal that shall leave marks etched in our hearts for all time. But we grew a lot, & as we enter this new year that feels so very rewarding.
One of the biggest lessons I learned was to let go of my previous notions of how I needed to build relationships, & with whom. This was a banner year for working out what it means to be an introvert (& to embrace being an introvert), & part of that for me meant giving up on previous methods of dealing with people. I freakin' love people, & a major part of my entire mindset is that people & relationships with them are the most important thing there possibly is outside of one's own relationship with God. I still feel that way, but I've had to learn that I need to take care of myself before I can have healthy relationships. & I need to let situations be what they are, without forcing upon them any of my own ideas of How This Should Work. Actually, basically what I did what let go of control entirely. Poof. I pretty much declared myself on vacation from trying to deepen relationships &/or make them happen. I decided to try to just enjoy social interactions & be comfortable, instead of trying to fix things & stressing myself out. & you know what happened? I made new friends. Like, actual new friends, whom I can text, invite to my house, that sort of thing. I also found lots of development happening with friendships I'd had that had been at the same level for a while. CRAZY, RIGHT? So yeah, it's been awesome. I'm more rested, more myself, & in fact more connected with more people.
I think many of us struggle with a skewed vision of how friendships happen & why & so forth. Everyone I've talked to about the topic has admitted to having a lot of disappointments & hurts. I think it's a little bit funny when I come across things on the internet that say those things like Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations about Hair/Men/Wildlife/Australia/whatevs, because really I think Friendships should be the one leading the pack. But anyway. It's nice to finally feel like I'm moving in a right direction.
As I try to be more awake, I realize that perhaps this post might come across as selfish? Like, "I can't be bothered to work at friendships, I'm too busy taking care of MEEEEEE"? But that's not what I mean, I promise. I just mean finding a better balance. Forgive my fussy brain.
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