COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. We've all heard it. BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE. APPRECIATE THE LITTLE THINGS.
There's nothing wrong with that sentiment, at all. It can work great to distract you from a problem, help provide some perspective outside of whatever negative thing had your focus. Can't fault that!
Yet... it doesn't seem to actually instill lasting good feelings. At least when I do it, it's almost like chastising. & it feels like it needs to be Big Noble Things, y'know? At least you have your health, or your family, or a roof over your head, or live in a free country.
Those are all good things. I try to not take for granted things like my magnificent husband, supportive friends, five functional senses...
...but I want to tell you about something else I've been trying. I'm tired of limiting myself to only appreciating the big things, & that sometimes only when something else is stressing me out. & this is going to sound SO SIMPLE, SO OBVIOUS, but that's part of what I like about it. Makes it an easy mindset to adopt.
Y'know that feeling you get when you buy something special for yourself? You're thinking that you deserve this treat, & you feel all satisfied, full of warm fuzzy feelings? Because that thing is super cool. & it is YOURS NOW.
Or when someone gives you a gift? It was so nice of them to think of you, & you were so thankful for that groovy thing, it really suits your tastes & you'll always remember their generosity.
Or that memento you have from that special occasion? Photographs, art, something you made, something you found...
The point is, you can probably take a look around anywhere in your home & realize there's so much special there, once you remember why you have it.
Once you've bought something nice for yourself, it's still the same nice thing years later. The thoughtfulness that someone put into a present for you can still make you feel special. Anything you liked... keep liking it!
I know I've been guilty of buying myself a new book, or a mug, or a record, or a dinosaur plushie... & then not really giving it much thought once I get it home. Gifts & trinkets, evidences of love & good times, are everywhere in my house, & I go through my days pretty much ignoring them.
So now... I just allow myself to think for an extra moment. For example, when I sit on my couch, I'm right by a large plush lion. I saw him in Target one day, when I'd walked there from our old apartment on some errand or another. He was on clearance, & I adored him immediately, but didn't give in to the temptation to purchase him for myself. But after I was home, I kept thinking about him, he was the LAST ONE, I talked to my mom & my husband about it, & they both suggested I go back & acquire him. After all of that, why shouldn't that lion still make me happy? Sooooo many things around me have some sort of story. Those stories restore the value to things. & once I've remembered the story, there are even usually things about the inherent features of the thing that I appreciate. That lion is so soft & comfy. He's perfect for my sofa. He provides just the right amount of support, without too much stiffness. But it's not about appreciating "STUFF". It's not about hoarding things. It's about recalling why you have stuff. If you're going to hang onto something & give it a place in the finite space you have, it should be a joy to you somehow. You shouldn't have to limit your thankfulness to Big Broad Things. If you have a thing for a reason, hang on to that reason, let it make you happy. Let it make you thankful for something about your life. Let it remind you of something good about yourself. It may be just a little thing, but it's there for you.
I've noticed that there are other benefits to making this a habit, too. By noticing the good books/movies/music/games I have, I actually get back to using them, which is relaxing. I feel less tempted to spend money on more things for myself when I can immediately think of so many things I already have that are still great. I'm also more able to notice what in my house doesn't really have a purpose, so I can get rid of pointless excess. Somehow, it almost makes me less attached to just the having of things; when something has been broken or lost or ruined, I've shrugged it off, because there's so much other joy in my life. It really is more about the reason than the object, & creating the habit of mindfulness & thankfulness overall.
What do you think? Do I sound crazy? What around you is still special?
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Monday, February 15, 2016
Batman, My Hero
Fact: Batman & Sherlock Holmes are my two favorite fictional characters, & have been for a long time now.
It's currently the week of my birthday. I've already received just a few presents, & Batman was represented in that small sampling. Somehow, my love of Batman is something that stands out to people. Something they remember about me. Batman is a very common theme among gifts I receive, & I always like those gifts.
But this year, it did occur to me to reflect: why does Batman mean so much to me? Enough that year after year, I cling to him as a favorite, in such a way that is evident to so many?
Rather than press my brain for an answer right away, I let it simmer for a while, until the most concise reason that felt the most true rose to the surface: I look up to Batman.
My introduction to Batman happened when I was 11 years old. & I do very much remember looking up to Batman. He was a hero. He did what was right, even when it wasn't easy. He had been through some rough stuff, & it had an impact on him, but he made his life a good one anyway.
I think that is for me what Batman is all about, or at least what keeps him near to my heart. The tales of Batman have their very wild unrealistic aspects, but at the core stays an ideal to which we can all relate & aspire-- life is messed up sometimes, but we can react by making things better.
I didn't have The Worst Possible Childhood Ever, but I did have things that weren't great (we all did, to our own extent, I think that's just life). I had a particular circumstance that had me living in fear, & feeling very isolated within that situation. I talked to no one about it. I think maybe the hurt of that experience is part of why I so desperately wanted a hero. Batman was someone who had had things bad & still turned into someone who was always helping others. Batman gave me hope, like someday I too could turn into a functional adult, & even a good person. (He didn't talk to many people about his struggle, either, come to think of it. He had a secret pain, like I did.) In Batman, I see what is right. Batman stories were always admitting that life is hard, but worth fighting for.
So, that got me thinking... I had to wonder why no other character I had in my childhood had come close to that for me. My brain wandered into the territory of considering female characters in particular, & why I didn't see them as an inspiration, a hero, a hope. & you know what?
I can't think of a female character from my youth that had anything super serious happen in their past, or actually seemed to deal with it if they did. From what I can currently recall, the girls mostly just worry about things. Or it is mentioned that something bad happened in their past, but they do little more than acknowledge it, & maybe feel a little wistful or something (their past has more to do with how others treat them than with how they feel/act). So, as far as the painful sides of my life, it's impossible to relate to those characters. Sure, I can feel for them when they're insecure or whatever, & I could find things to appreciate in their stories. But as far as forming a meaningful bond with a character, not likely. They &/or their worlds were a bit too idealized. They don't represent something I can take to heart & live out. Things in my life had more pervasive consequences than the characters in my books seemed to face. Their trials, & their virtues, felt more like plot devices than anything that could be real. Some tales were too fantastical, some too mundane. Problems are either "everything that has ever been good in existence is in danger" or "someone teased me at school". There's a balance somewhere in there that I wish could be found more often-- struggles that could be real, could play a part in who you are, could always still hurt & yet also be healing. Male & female characters alike, I feel there's generally a lack of emotional struggle, long-lasting impact from hardships, & exploring motives beyond plain Good & Evil. I got to see Batman do a range of things, from saving the world to saving one child. I got to see Batman dwell on the hardship of his past sometimes, but also have days where he mostly just deals with what's in front of him. I got to see him make difficult choices, & they didn't always pan out in the best possible way, but he dealt with it.
Here's something I just thought of: most of the other characters I grew up with had A Best Friend or Two. Batman knows a lot of people, whom he trusts with different things & to different degrees & in different roles. Oh man, I do wish friendship wasn't always presented in such an idealized fashion in kids' media. Some of us get to have that Best Friends Forever experience... many of us don't. In that facet, Batman is so much more like what my actual life has been than any of the other stories from my youth. He has people around him that are older & younger, people from all sorts of backgrounds & people varied in their skill sets. Sometimes he agrees with them, sometimes he doesn't, sometimes he isn't sure what to think. I still need to see that in fiction.
There's definitely something to be said for letting kids be kids... but I don't think we need to (or should?) keep all kids' characters safe from actual struggles. Being a kid doesn't keep you "safe". Kids are going to face things that will feel like A Big Deal to them. Some stories need to just be a simple entertaining escape, but maybe some could mean more than that? Do you think one should have to wait until one gets into "adult" material before one finds stories one can really invest in?
Disclaimer: my childhood book selection was not your childhood book selection. I will readily declare that my experience is quite limited. I am very interested in hearing about how your experience was different than mine. Just don't try to tell me that anything I'm saying is "wrong"-- it is all absolutely right, just from within my perspective, not yours. My history is this, good books with characters that didn't really mean a lot to me.
It's currently the week of my birthday. I've already received just a few presents, & Batman was represented in that small sampling. Somehow, my love of Batman is something that stands out to people. Something they remember about me. Batman is a very common theme among gifts I receive, & I always like those gifts.
But this year, it did occur to me to reflect: why does Batman mean so much to me? Enough that year after year, I cling to him as a favorite, in such a way that is evident to so many?
Rather than press my brain for an answer right away, I let it simmer for a while, until the most concise reason that felt the most true rose to the surface: I look up to Batman.
My introduction to Batman happened when I was 11 years old. & I do very much remember looking up to Batman. He was a hero. He did what was right, even when it wasn't easy. He had been through some rough stuff, & it had an impact on him, but he made his life a good one anyway.
I think that is for me what Batman is all about, or at least what keeps him near to my heart. The tales of Batman have their very wild unrealistic aspects, but at the core stays an ideal to which we can all relate & aspire-- life is messed up sometimes, but we can react by making things better.
I didn't have The Worst Possible Childhood Ever, but I did have things that weren't great (we all did, to our own extent, I think that's just life). I had a particular circumstance that had me living in fear, & feeling very isolated within that situation. I talked to no one about it. I think maybe the hurt of that experience is part of why I so desperately wanted a hero. Batman was someone who had had things bad & still turned into someone who was always helping others. Batman gave me hope, like someday I too could turn into a functional adult, & even a good person. (He didn't talk to many people about his struggle, either, come to think of it. He had a secret pain, like I did.) In Batman, I see what is right. Batman stories were always admitting that life is hard, but worth fighting for.
So, that got me thinking... I had to wonder why no other character I had in my childhood had come close to that for me. My brain wandered into the territory of considering female characters in particular, & why I didn't see them as an inspiration, a hero, a hope. & you know what?
I can't think of a female character from my youth that had anything super serious happen in their past, or actually seemed to deal with it if they did. From what I can currently recall, the girls mostly just worry about things. Or it is mentioned that something bad happened in their past, but they do little more than acknowledge it, & maybe feel a little wistful or something (their past has more to do with how others treat them than with how they feel/act). So, as far as the painful sides of my life, it's impossible to relate to those characters. Sure, I can feel for them when they're insecure or whatever, & I could find things to appreciate in their stories. But as far as forming a meaningful bond with a character, not likely. They &/or their worlds were a bit too idealized. They don't represent something I can take to heart & live out. Things in my life had more pervasive consequences than the characters in my books seemed to face. Their trials, & their virtues, felt more like plot devices than anything that could be real. Some tales were too fantastical, some too mundane. Problems are either "everything that has ever been good in existence is in danger" or "someone teased me at school". There's a balance somewhere in there that I wish could be found more often-- struggles that could be real, could play a part in who you are, could always still hurt & yet also be healing. Male & female characters alike, I feel there's generally a lack of emotional struggle, long-lasting impact from hardships, & exploring motives beyond plain Good & Evil. I got to see Batman do a range of things, from saving the world to saving one child. I got to see Batman dwell on the hardship of his past sometimes, but also have days where he mostly just deals with what's in front of him. I got to see him make difficult choices, & they didn't always pan out in the best possible way, but he dealt with it.
Here's something I just thought of: most of the other characters I grew up with had A Best Friend or Two. Batman knows a lot of people, whom he trusts with different things & to different degrees & in different roles. Oh man, I do wish friendship wasn't always presented in such an idealized fashion in kids' media. Some of us get to have that Best Friends Forever experience... many of us don't. In that facet, Batman is so much more like what my actual life has been than any of the other stories from my youth. He has people around him that are older & younger, people from all sorts of backgrounds & people varied in their skill sets. Sometimes he agrees with them, sometimes he doesn't, sometimes he isn't sure what to think. I still need to see that in fiction.
There's definitely something to be said for letting kids be kids... but I don't think we need to (or should?) keep all kids' characters safe from actual struggles. Being a kid doesn't keep you "safe". Kids are going to face things that will feel like A Big Deal to them. Some stories need to just be a simple entertaining escape, but maybe some could mean more than that? Do you think one should have to wait until one gets into "adult" material before one finds stories one can really invest in?
Disclaimer: my childhood book selection was not your childhood book selection. I will readily declare that my experience is quite limited. I am very interested in hearing about how your experience was different than mine. Just don't try to tell me that anything I'm saying is "wrong"-- it is all absolutely right, just from within my perspective, not yours. My history is this, good books with characters that didn't really mean a lot to me.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Gift Ideas!
I have an Amazon wishlist that goes on for miles (so convenient!), but DID YOU KNOW I know great people who you could support by buying things? Giving me a gift + supporting someone I love = generosity squared.
Disclaimer: if you're just happening upon this post, I want you to know that it is not intended as "you should buy me things, I love things"-- it's to be a resource for when people ask me what I want for my birthday (&/or Christmas or whatever). But, you should read it anyway, & maybe you'll find something you'd like to get for yourself or someone you like, & that'd be super cool.
------------
My friend Jen sews things! I really want one of her hobo bags. But also an infinite amount of zipper pouches, they are good for everything! My favorite fandoms that she utilizes fairly consistently would be Nintendo, Batman, Star Wars, Star Trek, TMNT, My Little Pony, & Doctor Who.
Knitting remains my favorite hobby, I can always use things for that. Heather is a groovy gal, dying yarn & making stitch markers! My favorite of the colorways: Icicle, Snow Owl, Mint n' Chip, Napoleon, Rocky Road, & You Go Joe.
Speaking of knitting goods, Tabitha has started selling stitch markers & project bags, they are beautiful!
I always love art. Things for my home in general, & always always art particularly. Megan does great prints, she has a great style of lettering + artsy details that make it pretty without cluttering.
------------
Disclaimer: if you're just happening upon this post, I want you to know that it is not intended as "you should buy me things, I love things"-- it's to be a resource for when people ask me what I want for my birthday (&/or Christmas or whatever). But, you should read it anyway, & maybe you'll find something you'd like to get for yourself or someone you like, & that'd be super cool.
------------
My friend Jen sews things! I really want one of her hobo bags. But also an infinite amount of zipper pouches, they are good for everything! My favorite fandoms that she utilizes fairly consistently would be Nintendo, Batman, Star Wars, Star Trek, TMNT, My Little Pony, & Doctor Who.
Knitting remains my favorite hobby, I can always use things for that. Heather is a groovy gal, dying yarn & making stitch markers! My favorite of the colorways: Icicle, Snow Owl, Mint n' Chip, Napoleon, Rocky Road, & You Go Joe.
Speaking of knitting goods, Tabitha has started selling stitch markers & project bags, they are beautiful!
I always love art. Things for my home in general, & always always art particularly. Megan does great prints, she has a great style of lettering + artsy details that make it pretty without cluttering.
------------
I will update this post when I remember more! :-D
Friday, January 22, 2016
An Open Letter to Letters
Ugh. See? There it is already. The feelings of guilt.
I've been trying to notice whenever I feel like I don't want to do something, or when I feel like I'm bad at something, so that I can analyze what could make it better. I can change my expectations, I can change my habits, I can change my process, once I take the time to figure out what's really going on instead of just pushing through & doing things the same old way. It's been a pretty rewarding way to look at things!
My latest realization is... I think I need to let go of my desire to be A Great Letter Writer. A Beautiful Card Sender. You Know, That One with All the Stickers & Pretty Things that Makes Your Day when Found in Your Mailbox. I've carried this ambition for yeeeeeaaaaars, even before IGGPPC. That community just made it so much better/worse! *so many feels*
I LOVE snail mail & all it can mean, all the love it can carry. But I've pushed myself into a spot where I feel more frustrated about sending mail than excited. I still want to love the people, but I now dread the time it takes, & the little frustrations that I always seem to have. I lose things (letters awaiting reply, letters in progress, pens that actually work, addresses, stamps-- all the things), even though I have a whole desk devoted to keeping it all organized. I get impatient with myself trying to find the right way to say something, or I read what I wrote & it seems boring, trite, self-absorbed, not at all what I meant. I try to let that go, & to know that the recipient will probably like anything I send, but it's tiring to never feel satisfied about it myself. It has become a thing where it doesn't feel worth the effort... so maybe it isn't. Maybe I can come back to it, but I think I need to step back at least until I no longer dread the whole process.
What I want to do is try emailing people in place of sending a letter or card. Because actually communicating, even in a lesser form, is better than not doing anything & feeling bad about it. I'd rather invest in a friendship a little at a time, in not-extraordinarily-special ways, than let my chances slip away entirely. I love to text! I love twitter interactions! I even dig facebook messaging! I'd LOVE to be a better friend by using things I already enjoy doing, things that are better suited to my life right now.
If you're reading this & have sent me mail... I'm sorry if I haven't sent some back. I PROMISE I meant to, & that I liked what you sent me! (If you sent a postcard, it's probably on display somewhere in my home, I'm not gonna lie.) I hope you can accept that it's not you, it's me. People are THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, & I'm just bad at things sometimes, but YOU ARE AMAZING. (If you ever feel slighted by me in any way, I can almost promise you that it's not anything personal, it's totally a failure on my part. PLEASE feel like you can communicate with me if I hurt your feelings or something.)
I know that personally, I feel loved just knowing someone thought of me. If you receive a letter, you can know someone thought of you... but... someone also thinks of you if they tweet at you, email you, direct message you, comment on your blog, text you... & sometimes a simpler format of communication can ameliorate conversation. I'm not going to downplay letters, but there is something to be said for the ease & speed of other ways in other circumstances. So that's what I'm going to be trying for a while. I hereby officially forgive myself of any perceived snail mail debts, & will try harder to let people know when I'm thinking of them, in whatever way seems best without stressing myself out about it.
Love,
...no really, where ARE my postage stamps...
I've been trying to notice whenever I feel like I don't want to do something, or when I feel like I'm bad at something, so that I can analyze what could make it better. I can change my expectations, I can change my habits, I can change my process, once I take the time to figure out what's really going on instead of just pushing through & doing things the same old way. It's been a pretty rewarding way to look at things!
My latest realization is... I think I need to let go of my desire to be A Great Letter Writer. A Beautiful Card Sender. You Know, That One with All the Stickers & Pretty Things that Makes Your Day when Found in Your Mailbox. I've carried this ambition for yeeeeeaaaaars, even before IGGPPC. That community just made it so much better/worse! *so many feels*
I LOVE snail mail & all it can mean, all the love it can carry. But I've pushed myself into a spot where I feel more frustrated about sending mail than excited. I still want to love the people, but I now dread the time it takes, & the little frustrations that I always seem to have. I lose things (letters awaiting reply, letters in progress, pens that actually work, addresses, stamps-- all the things), even though I have a whole desk devoted to keeping it all organized. I get impatient with myself trying to find the right way to say something, or I read what I wrote & it seems boring, trite, self-absorbed, not at all what I meant. I try to let that go, & to know that the recipient will probably like anything I send, but it's tiring to never feel satisfied about it myself. It has become a thing where it doesn't feel worth the effort... so maybe it isn't. Maybe I can come back to it, but I think I need to step back at least until I no longer dread the whole process.
What I want to do is try emailing people in place of sending a letter or card. Because actually communicating, even in a lesser form, is better than not doing anything & feeling bad about it. I'd rather invest in a friendship a little at a time, in not-extraordinarily-special ways, than let my chances slip away entirely. I love to text! I love twitter interactions! I even dig facebook messaging! I'd LOVE to be a better friend by using things I already enjoy doing, things that are better suited to my life right now.
If you're reading this & have sent me mail... I'm sorry if I haven't sent some back. I PROMISE I meant to, & that I liked what you sent me! (If you sent a postcard, it's probably on display somewhere in my home, I'm not gonna lie.) I hope you can accept that it's not you, it's me. People are THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, & I'm just bad at things sometimes, but YOU ARE AMAZING. (If you ever feel slighted by me in any way, I can almost promise you that it's not anything personal, it's totally a failure on my part. PLEASE feel like you can communicate with me if I hurt your feelings or something.)
I know that personally, I feel loved just knowing someone thought of me. If you receive a letter, you can know someone thought of you... but... someone also thinks of you if they tweet at you, email you, direct message you, comment on your blog, text you... & sometimes a simpler format of communication can ameliorate conversation. I'm not going to downplay letters, but there is something to be said for the ease & speed of other ways in other circumstances. So that's what I'm going to be trying for a while. I hereby officially forgive myself of any perceived snail mail debts, & will try harder to let people know when I'm thinking of them, in whatever way seems best without stressing myself out about it.
Love,
...no really, where ARE my postage stamps...
Friday, January 01, 2016
New Year, New New Year Post
I usually make a post at the beginning of a year, so uh, I guess I'll do that now!
Last year, I talked about how my goals mostly revolved around recent commitments made, & wanting to deepen/strengthen in areas in my life instead of planning on starting anything new. Overall, I kept that in mind, though some things didn't go as planned... I ended up stepping down from a couple of things, & shifting focus in others. But that's good. I think overall I'm pleased with how I adapted to changes, & how I let things go instead of holding on too long.
I've learned some things about myself & how others see me, so I'm working on using the information to improve myself & my interactions with others. More deliberately being forgiving of myself, but also resolving to be more deliberate about my actions toward others.
I plan to put more careful thought into what I want vs what I need. I plan to keep things pretty simple, as far as I'm concerned. Life is complicated enough.
There are lots of things that are GOOD, but aren't really good for me, & I need to let that be totally okay. I can admire people who do planners &/or bullet journals, while understanding that's not what my life needs. I can love the concept of podcasts, I can love people who make podcasts, but I can accept that I just don't listen to podcasts. Etc.
However, I do plan to try a new thing! I plan to... draw? I've always wanted to have even just a little bit of drawing ability, so I'm going to just straight up START DRAWING. Here's the first installment! It's not nearly as bad as I'd expected from myself, & I'm really proud of even just the fact that I tried, that I put it out to be seen, & that I am saying that I'll do more. I've practically never before drawn anything ever. So uh, yeah, feel free to suggest things for me to draw, & I'll probably attempt them, & they'll probably look TERRIBLE, & I'll probably be excited about it anyway!
Last year, I talked about how my goals mostly revolved around recent commitments made, & wanting to deepen/strengthen in areas in my life instead of planning on starting anything new. Overall, I kept that in mind, though some things didn't go as planned... I ended up stepping down from a couple of things, & shifting focus in others. But that's good. I think overall I'm pleased with how I adapted to changes, & how I let things go instead of holding on too long.
I've learned some things about myself & how others see me, so I'm working on using the information to improve myself & my interactions with others. More deliberately being forgiving of myself, but also resolving to be more deliberate about my actions toward others.
I plan to put more careful thought into what I want vs what I need. I plan to keep things pretty simple, as far as I'm concerned. Life is complicated enough.
There are lots of things that are GOOD, but aren't really good for me, & I need to let that be totally okay. I can admire people who do planners &/or bullet journals, while understanding that's not what my life needs. I can love the concept of podcasts, I can love people who make podcasts, but I can accept that I just don't listen to podcasts. Etc.
However, I do plan to try a new thing! I plan to... draw? I've always wanted to have even just a little bit of drawing ability, so I'm going to just straight up START DRAWING. Here's the first installment! It's not nearly as bad as I'd expected from myself, & I'm really proud of even just the fact that I tried, that I put it out to be seen, & that I am saying that I'll do more. I've practically never before drawn anything ever. So uh, yeah, feel free to suggest things for me to draw, & I'll probably attempt them, & they'll probably look TERRIBLE, & I'll probably be excited about it anyway!
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