I know, it's weird. But it'd be great if we could talk about it like it's not weird. & that's not even my point! To get to the point, I have two tales from 2016. First off, I switched pharmacies in the summer, because we got a Meijer & they have a drive-through pharmacy window + a groovy rewards program, whilst CVS took over Target pharmacies & I've not enjoyed working with CVS. Anyway, switching pharmacies meant also switching brands, & let me tell you-- no matter how many people you ask or how long you google, it doesn't matter if everything says all of the brands are the same exact pill, your ovaries know the difference. I was off-kilter for like three months. No biggie, just like... emotional. All of the time. It was exhausting. Second tale: the one really icky day we've had so far this winter, the one where the roads were nasty & church was cancelled & driving felt like a bad idea-- that was the day my birth control should have been picked up. We didn't pick it up. I thought I'd just take some leftovers, pills I'd missed in previous months, & when I got the new pills I'd switch over no problem. It did not even occur to me to wonder if it'd be a problem that all of my leftover pills were only in my old brand... & when I got back on my new brand, I felt downright awful for a couple solid days, not just emotional but actually physically uncomfortable, & it really stressed me out because I didn't know what was wrong. It wasn't until I started feeling less miserable that it occurred to me what was probably the cause. (Oh, & those days that I was feeling rubbish = Christmas Eve & Christmas. Yeah.)
So, all of that just to say yet again a thing that I just really wish we could all absorb into our brains & get to stay there: each person has so many things going on at any given moment, man, you have no idea. There are facets upon facets. So don't judge people when it's impossible for you to know everything behind how they are acting. It's quite possible they just switched birth control brands, or slept poorly (for any number of reasons), or haven't eaten well today (for any number of reasons), or are preoccupied (for any number of reasons), or DO YOU GET IT? Our brains think they are helping by telling us that That Person is behaving That Way because of That Reason. But our brains don't have all of the information. Only trust your brain so far in these areas. Be forgiving of people.
People say things like "time heals all wounds", but they're kinda vague about it. It sounds sort of comforting, & yet... more information would be even better, right? Well. To fill things out a bit more for all of us, here's a story for you. I'm going to leave out a lot of specifics, sorrynotsorry, but basically there's this particular relationship from my childhood. I've always felt bad about it, like I should have been close to this person but I never was. I've felt guilt & shame about this ever since. You might already be thinking "kid brains, so silly, what a thing to be upset about for most of your life". & you're right. BUT you can think that, because you are an ADULT. (Okay, I'm basing that on who I know usually reads my blog, & at what age you'd have the fortitude to keep reading this post & get this far...) A few days ago, I remembered an aspect of how that person treated me back in the day. At first, I just thought "ugh, yeah, that was a bummer" & I didn't consciously give it much time in my thoughts. But a couple days after that, my brain was able to have settled information together in the background, & come back to me with the thought that nothing about the situation was my fault. I was able to recall times that I did everything I could, more than I would expect from a child, & I was shunned, spurned, what have you, by a grown person who should have done better.
DAMN.
I've been able to go from shame & guilt to feeling mighty proud of my past self. Just because I have the perspective of age & experience that I lacked previously. So, I want you to take some courage, okay? You may still have some thought patterns that are hurtful. But keep giving yourself space & time. Don't be afraid to confront things as they come up, but if you're not finding healing right now, I think it's also okay to give yourself rest if the battle isn't going differently than before. Keep doing what it takes to be nice to yourself, & next time maybe you'll find the weapons & strategies you need are there when you need them.
I've also been doing that thing where I think a LOT about friendships. Fairly common habit of mine, but man, it's so interesting to me. But there's some stuff I've been through lately. I think what it boils down to for me (friendship lesson style, ala MLP:FiM) is... giving someone a real chance means opening up sometimes even when it's not comfortable. I am BIG on real actual communication, but it is true that I myself have been prone to not speak up sometimes, when I'm not liking something someone said/did &/or I could be better treated if I'd be honest about what I need/want. I've been on the receiving end of that in painful ways a couple of times recently. People have been dismissive of me when I've genuinely just wanted to help. I've felt rejected, & blamed for not being able to read minds to know what these people really wanted from me. & who knows, man, I don't really know what's behind those situations. I won't judge them too harshly, though I was confused. But I let how I was treated make me think about how I treat the people & situations I come across. I've taken a couple of chances on speaking up & risking confrontation, where previously I might have just kept quiet & tried to make things work. So far, it's been nothing but positive-- after I take the chance of opening up about how I feel, I'm able to see it a bit more objectively & realize I'm not doing anything too crazy. I'm doing exactly what I'd want the other person to do, just stating how I really feel. & I feel more secure with these people than ever before.
In a similar vein, I've started taking people seriously when they say things like "you can talk to me if you want". That's been super cool. If context helps, for example there have been a couple times on twitter where I've gotten kinda rant-y, with various degrees of vagueness, & people have specifically messaged me to extend sympathy & an open proverbial ear. & I've used it, man, I hit those people back with stuff, stuff I hadn't planned to share with anyone. & it helped, they helped. So, give people a chance. Talk things out. You are allowed to have feelings. (In fact, you can't stop them anyway, so you might as well try various ways of dealing with them!) The more everyone learns about everyone else, the more we can all treat everyone else better.
tl;dr: be nice to people, including yourself, kthxbai
DAMN.
I've been able to go from shame & guilt to feeling mighty proud of my past self. Just because I have the perspective of age & experience that I lacked previously. So, I want you to take some courage, okay? You may still have some thought patterns that are hurtful. But keep giving yourself space & time. Don't be afraid to confront things as they come up, but if you're not finding healing right now, I think it's also okay to give yourself rest if the battle isn't going differently than before. Keep doing what it takes to be nice to yourself, & next time maybe you'll find the weapons & strategies you need are there when you need them.
I've also been doing that thing where I think a LOT about friendships. Fairly common habit of mine, but man, it's so interesting to me. But there's some stuff I've been through lately. I think what it boils down to for me (friendship lesson style, ala MLP:FiM) is... giving someone a real chance means opening up sometimes even when it's not comfortable. I am BIG on real actual communication, but it is true that I myself have been prone to not speak up sometimes, when I'm not liking something someone said/did &/or I could be better treated if I'd be honest about what I need/want. I've been on the receiving end of that in painful ways a couple of times recently. People have been dismissive of me when I've genuinely just wanted to help. I've felt rejected, & blamed for not being able to read minds to know what these people really wanted from me. & who knows, man, I don't really know what's behind those situations. I won't judge them too harshly, though I was confused. But I let how I was treated make me think about how I treat the people & situations I come across. I've taken a couple of chances on speaking up & risking confrontation, where previously I might have just kept quiet & tried to make things work. So far, it's been nothing but positive-- after I take the chance of opening up about how I feel, I'm able to see it a bit more objectively & realize I'm not doing anything too crazy. I'm doing exactly what I'd want the other person to do, just stating how I really feel. & I feel more secure with these people than ever before.
In a similar vein, I've started taking people seriously when they say things like "you can talk to me if you want". That's been super cool. If context helps, for example there have been a couple times on twitter where I've gotten kinda rant-y, with various degrees of vagueness, & people have specifically messaged me to extend sympathy & an open proverbial ear. & I've used it, man, I hit those people back with stuff, stuff I hadn't planned to share with anyone. & it helped, they helped. So, give people a chance. Talk things out. You are allowed to have feelings. (In fact, you can't stop them anyway, so you might as well try various ways of dealing with them!) The more everyone learns about everyone else, the more we can all treat everyone else better.
tl;dr: be nice to people, including yourself, kthxbai
