Guest Post! INFJ Playlist, by Alex!

Hi friends! We've got something special for you today. I was going to post it yesterday but (I promise this is going somewhere) yesterday got wacky, so I'm posting it today, which works out even better coincidentally because the very first post for our collaborative series over at 1MoreCastle.com is supposed to go live today! So we're having a big ol' collab celebration. (I almost wanted to be clever & try to mash collab with celebration, but then it came out as 'collaboration... oops.) So, here's Alex, to tell us about why he picked the songs he did for his fabulous MBTI Playlist!

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Greetings blog viewers! My name is Alex and I happen to be Valerie’s friend. She has generously let me occupy her blog space while she is off knitting or something. Back in July she and I both had the same idea, to create a playlist based on our Meyer’s Brigg personality and share it with friends via social media. Little did either of us know how many people would end up participating. So many so that I still have not gotten through everyone’s playlists, and I fully intend to. Since I started my own playlist I have fully intended to write a blog explaining why I chose the songs I did. Each one was carefully chosen, at first. I did start to stray slightly from a strictly personality based playlist and it became an “Alex based playlist”. But fear not I am INFJ and my playlist does reflect that, but it also reflects me perfectly. It is ideally listened to with headphones and in order. I didn’t place songs randomly. My intention is to take you through a journey in my shoes, I hope you’re size thirteen. I want you to feel what I feel, to think what goes through my head, and to see just what it is like to be me. This also might be a good way to get to know me as well. In the remainder of the blog I will be sharing why I chose the songs I chose as well as any relevant lyrics. I sincerely hope you enjoy listening to this playlist, and if you haven’t already, share yours!

1.“Sleeping Lessons” by The Shins

“Just put yourself in my new shoes,
And see that I do what I do, Because the old guards still defend”

A song I included mostly for the feels, this is what I feel like on my highest of highs.
But the vibe I get is it’s like a justification for “what I do”.

2. “Andrew” by Jonwayne

I included this one purely for the feels.

3. “Under Pressure” by David Bowie and Queen

“It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about, watching some good friends scream ‘let me out’”

The world is a hurting place and I feel its feels.

4. “Hurt Feelings” by Flight of the Conchords

“I got hurt feelings…

…I’m crying tears of a Rapper”

This is the feeling of being misunderstood by everyone, and being forgotten, that I so often have.

5. “Four of Two” by They Might Giants

“But I knew that the girl would be coming very soon”

Being led on by a girl who has no interest in me has happened before, and it sucks.

6. “My Evil Plan to Save the World” by Five Iron Frenzy

“I have an evil plan to save the world for every man,
And I think it's better than the way it's being run.
Oh the groundwork's laid,
No Don't be afraid,
I'm sure that I can fix it,
When I figure out the physics.”

While not evil, I do have a plan to save the world 

7. “The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind” Music by Henry Mancini

You might say I think like a criminal mastermind sometimes, but I have good intentions not ill ones.

8. “The Sound of Silence” By Simon and Garfunkel

“Hear my words that I might teach you.
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence.”

I rarely feel like anyone takes what I say very seriously.

9. “The Question Song” By Tom Wilson

“I don't know, stop asking me the question.”

People often ask me the same silly questions over and over, and it annoys me to no end. The actor who played Biff in Back to the Future (My favorite movie) sang this song.

10. “Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus and Garvey

“I must disagree sir…won’t you listen to me?”

Mostly for the feels, but I do wish people would listen to me. I know what I am talking about most of the time.

11. “I Don’t Want to Set the World on Fire” by The Ink Spots

“I don't want to set the world on fire
I just want to start a flame in your heart”

I don’t want or need to be desired by everyone (or every girl) just one.

12. “You Can Call Me Al” By Paul Simon

“A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard”

“You can call me Al”

I am quite soft in the middle (very sensitive) and I like being called Al. On a more nostalgic note my parents used to sing this song to me when I was a baby.

13. “We Belong Together” by Randy Newman
“When we're together,
Grey skies are clear, oh.
And I'll share them, till where I'm less depressed.
And it's sincerely, from the bottom of my heart,
I just can't take it when we're apart.

We belong together,
We belong together.
Yes, we do,
You'll be mine, forever.”

A love song for my (future) bride and myself 

14. “Take Me Home, Country Roads” by Olivia Newton-John (originally by John Denver)

“…the radio reminds me of my home far away.”

I always feel like I belong somewhere else than where I am, in another time another place. And indeed I do have another home elsewhere.

15 “Feelings” by Morris Albert

“Feelings, nothing more than feelings”

I speak almost exclusively in feelings.

16. “Robot Parade” by They Might Be Giants

I am a fun loving robot who likes to get along with people, and this song captures that perfectly.

17. “Friends” by Flight of the Conchords

“Friends sing together…
Friends do things together…

Friends laugh together…”

I am all about being friendly and also having good friends.

18. “Someone’s Rockin’ my Dreamboat” by The Inkspots

“But with love as my guide,
I'll follow the tide,
I'll keep sailing 'til I find you.”

I feel like I belong in the 30s/40s but more to the point I am usually in a dream like state and looking for just the right (fill in the blank) (friend, girlfriend, movie, book).

19. “I Will Possess Your Heart” by Deathcab For Cutie

“You gotta spend some time with me.
And I know that you'll find, love
I will possess your heart.”

Spend time with me and I guarantee you’ll like me, INFJs are said to be some of people’s favorite people.

20. “I Want to Break Free” by Queen

“I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free.”

I often get into situations that I feel trapped, like jobs, or relationships but I’m not the most assertive person.

21. “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” By Simple Minds

“Don't You Forget About Me
Don't Don't Don't Don't
Don't You Forget About Me”

Oftentimes I feel left out or forgotten about entirely.

22. “You Don’t Know Me” By Ben Folds (Ft. Regina Spektor)

“I wanna ask you -
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?”

I have been in many relationships (friendships or otherwise) in which I don’t ever get to know the other person and vice versa, it is rather strange being friends with a stranger or even be related to one.

23. “Not Your Kind of People” by Garbage

“We are not your kind of people.
You seem kind of phony.
Everything's a lie.
We are not your kind of people.
Something in your makeup.
Don't see eye to eye.”

This whole song is a very good representation of how I feel oftentimes. I think a lot of people are phony and that is a huge pet peeve of mine. Don’t lie to me, I can tell when you aren’t telling the truth.

24. “I Wanna Be Like You” sung by Louis Prima

“I wanna be like you
I wanna walk like you
Talk like you, too”

Sometimes I just want to be like everyone else and fit in.

25. “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac

“Don't stop thinking about tomorrow
Don't stop, it'll soon be here
It'll be better than before
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone”

I tend to be an optimist and think the best is yet to come.

26. “Everything You Know is Wrong” by “Weird Al” Yankovic

“Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter”

A silly song, but I often feel like I know things others don’t and focus on stuff that matters, like people instead of drama.

27. “Damn Good Times” by They Might Be Giants

“I'm not much of a natural dancer

But I've got a friend who's a natural dancer

You could call her a jumpin' bean

She's got ants in her pants and she's gonna dance”

Mostly for the feels but I do like to dance sometimes, and quite awkwardly

28. “On the Beautiful Blue Danube” by Johann Strauss

How I feel when I am feeling at my best.

29. “Please Do Not Go” by Violent Femmes

“So please, please, please do not go
Please, please, please do not go
Please, please, please do not go”

I don’t want to be abandoned or forgotten about, in romantic situations or just in normal friendships.

30. “Somewhere Out There” by Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram

“Somewhere out there
Beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me
And loving me tonight”

I know somewhere out there, there is a girl looking for a guy like me and I am looking for her as well.

31. “They’ll Need a Crane” by They Might Be Giants

“Don't call me at work again

No, no, the boss still hates me

I'm just tired and I don't love you anymore”

These are the feelings I feel in the middle of a bad relationship and the subsequent breakup.

32. “Pictures in My Head” sung by Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, Swedish Chef, and Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem

“Is there more I could have said?
Now they’re only pictures in my head.”

Sometimes I feel like my happiest times are behind me.

33. “Common People” by William Shatner

“I want to live like common people
I want to do whatever common people do”

Sometimes I just want to fit in and be “normal”.

34. “Ramona” by Beck

Though not really supported by the lyrics, “Ramona” is the girl of my dreams, who may or may not even exist.

35. “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” by Randy Newman

“Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am
Bigger and stronger too
Maybe
But none of them
Will ever love you the way I do”

My friendship is loyal and unique.

36. “Rainbow Connection” by Kermit the Frog

“What's so amazing
That keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see
Some day we'll find it
The rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me”

I often want to find that one thing that will help me connect with someone, and that often time comes in the form of daydreaming.

37. “Beautiful Dreamer” by Bobby Darin

“Beautiful Dreamer, why do you stare?

Isn’t there someone you know who would care.

Say you are unhappy because you’re alone…

Beautiful dreamer, please dry your eyes.

Don’t you be lonely, just realize,

That I too am lonely, lonely and blue.

Beautiful dreamer, I’m a dreamer like you.”

I am such a dreamer, and I often feel like I am alone in the world, but deep down I know I am not.

38. “If You’re Into It” By Flight of the Conchords

“If you want me to
I can hang 'round with you
If I only knew
That's what you're into

You and him, him and you
If that's what you're into
Him hangin' 'round around you
You're hangin' 'round, yeah, you're there too”

I’d like to find out what someone is into so I can get to know him or her, but not quite as suggestively as the song…suggests.

39. “If I Didn’t Care” By The Ink Spots

“If I didn't care more than words can say
If I didn't care would I feel this way?
If this isn't love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go 'round and 'round
While my heart stands still?”

When I care about someone it can get rather intense.

40. “Whistling in the Dark” By They Might Be Giants
“A woman came up to me and said
"I'd like to poison your mind
With wrong ideas that appeal to you
Though I am not unkind…

…And so I'm having a wonderful time
But I'd rather be whistling in the dark”

People often come up to me and say rather strange things, and I’d often just rather not say anything to them, or better yet be by myself whistling in the dark.

41. “Skinnamarink” By Sharon, Lois and Bram

“Skinnamarinky dinky dink
Skinnamarinky do,
I love you!”

I tend to love people, and also use silly words. On a more personal note, this was a childhood favorite song of mine.

42. “Every New Day” By Five Iron Frenzy

“Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again

Man versus himself.
Man versus machine.
Man versus the world.
Mankind versus me.
The struggles go on,
The wisdom I lack,
The burdens keep pilling
Up on my back.
So hard to breathe,
To take the next step.
The mountain is high,
I wait in the depths.
Yearning for grace,
And hoping for peace.”

This song perfectly encapsulates my every day struggle to feel self worth, some days it’s easier than other, sometimes I get overwhelmed by my burdens other times I am soaring at the top of my game. This is my personal prayer that I pray so often and almost every time I think of the song or listen to it I can’t help but well up with so many tears. I love this song with my entire heart, it’s one of the few that I can that about.

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*returns from knitting or something* Thank you Alex! <3 It's been an honor.
I'm really enjoying using this blog as an outlet for sharing what people are passionate about & why. If you have something you'd like to talk about, let me know!

How I HabitRPG

Hello friends! Today I'm going to talk to you about a fantastic app. Actually, it's also a website. So if you're reading this, you can use HabitRPG! & maybe you should! It's fantastic for keeping track of anything that you want to do.

I started using HabitRPG sometime... last... year... I think. Might've been very early this year. It really helped me keep my brain from freaking out, because I had a lot going on plus a lot to get done in just a few months. I used it a lot to help me get my house ready to host folk in our guest room over Indy Pop Con... & there was so very much to get done before that could happen, lemme tell ya. But after Pop Con, my HabitRPG usage faded away, as I just wanted to relax & recover, plus other stuff was in flux that was affecting my schedule & my goals. But schedule stuff is becoming more stable, I'm grasping at new goals, & I have some serious stuff that needs done in a timely fashion. Oh, plus there's an IGGPPC party now! Can't miss that!

Here's a screencap from the website version of my Tasks.

Habits
I use habits as anything that needs done on a regular basis. So you can see chores & responsibilities & stuff there. They are also all things that don't have a definitive 'amount', per se-- so I can sweep one room or the entire house, I can blog a little or schedule things for a month, & then I can decide how much credit I deserve, because I can hit that plus sign multiple times for increased reward. I only have one item with a minus symbol. You can use the minus for things like cheating on your diet. (Yes, I reward/punish myself for how I stand up to social situations. That's probably not something you need on your HabitRPG, but I do well having a reminder of how socially drained I really am, & incentive to hang in there when I'm having to endure social stuff.) I like having the choice each day of whether or not to do any combination of any of these things, & how much.

Dailies
These are things I try to do every day. Even weekends. Whoa. I personally do not even ever want to see anything too productive on this particular list-- this list makes sure that I relax & take time to do things I enjoy. Some days I need to embrace the fact that it is okay to not get anything done. But I am a better person when I take time to read, & manipulate yarn. Even on days that I need to just relax, I like to have a plan in place. I relax by knowing what to expect. That is how my brain works!

To-Dos
To-Dos get done once. So this is your most standard list, easy to relate to what you've probably already done before with pen & paper. I pile this section full of anything that I don't want to forget to do, time-sensitive stuff, stuff that I will need to set aside time to complete, stuff that I just plain want to earn coins for accomplishing. ;-) This is also the list where I most take advantage of the ability to set things as easy, medium, or hard difficulty, & the list where things just sit for a while & turn red. But it doesn't punish me for that in this section. (I think. I'm pretty sure that is right & why I set it up this way.)

How It All Comes Together
I now keep the website pinned in my browser, as well as having the app on my tablet. By now, I have most of my Dailies & Habits memorized, so they're pretty established in my thought process of what to get done with my day. Then I can refer to my To-Dos, evaluate what sort of time I have available, what needs done urgently, blah blah blah... & see if I should start doing one of them (or maybe I already did & forgot to check it off!). & sometime during the day, I like to check in on how much gold I have earned & any items I have found, so I can do fun stuff like buy equipment & hatch eggs. DRAGONS YOU GUYS.

So that's pretty much it! I hope it all made some sort of sense, & gave you a glimpse at my brain I mean uh at HabitRPG. If you have any questions, let me know! I <3 questions!

Once upon a Time, Mild Depression

Now that my husband has blogged about what it was like for him to go through mild depression, it seems natural for me to talk about what it was like for me to be married to someone going through mild depression.

I learned early in our relationship that Jamie can be... well, for lack of a better word, 'moody'. Sometimes something happens that hits him somewhere deep inside, & it affects him for some time. I'd notice it mostly in him being less aware of the feelings of others (I've always loved the way he cares about how others feel), & being hard to engage in conversation or activity or anything happy. Learning not to take it personally was very helpful! ;-o It'd last a couple days or up to a week, but overall, Jamie is a happy & caring person. So in June of last year, when he started acting down, I didn't worry too much. & then when he starting talking about feeling really down, I still didn't worry too much. It was right after he'd spent a week at a huge event doing something he loves, & in my mind I related his feeling down much to how I felt when I'd get home from working at a summer camp. You pour your whole self into this life away from your normal life, & then when you get back to 'normal', you can kind of forget what you really liked about it. So I tried to be encouraging, I told him to give it time, & I cooked yummy foods & let him hide away with his pc games as much as he wanted. But I was wrong. It didn't get better. It got worse. What had come up seeming like a general funk turned into a pervasive dark sadness, frustration, crankiness, lack of initiative, lack of appreciation, loss of joy. As this became apparent, of course my primary responses were sympathy & wanting to do anything I could to help! But lemme tell ya. Some days were so hard. It's hard enough to live with someone who is fighting something so tough, but then when it's constant & some days you need a break too, some days you count on your spouse being there for you but he can't be there like he used to... It was interesting, really-- having Jamie as my friend/boyfriend/fiance/husband was really significant for teaching me to tell someone about my feelings, to let someone help, to see how much better I could feel when I didn't just keep all of my feelings to myself. But when he was in this depression, I couldn't do the very things he'd taught me to do. As he got more used to dealing with his funk, & I got more used to it as well, I found ways to vent to him juuuust a bit, but keep the majority aside to deal with on my own. I found ways to make myself feel a tiny bit better, things like getting out of the house, doling out little bits of my feelings across various friends, soaking every little bit of joy out of little things like making fried chicken & watching Digimon. But it was a rough adjustment. Also, I've been used to being the detail person among the two of us, but I had to take on everything. Jamie could barely make himself focus on one thing at a time, & I needed him to focus on feeling better & getting through his workdays & putting on a good face for the rest of the world. He was basically acting for much of the time, & it took a lot out of him. His job requires him to be nice to people, & help placate them when they aren't entirely pleased. We're both introverts, but Jamie has always felt more drained by being around me than I do by being around him... so when he'd get home from a long day of having to hide his own stress to deal with others', he wanted nothing more than to be alone. So... yeah... a big part of marriage is finding joy in your spouse's joy, being happy when they are happy, wanting to make them happy... When your spouse can't be happy & can sometimes barely be around you, that makes it very hard. Over the course of a year, I took care of my husband, I took care of myself, I took care of my house, I took care of our scheduling... I took care of everything I could by myself. I became good at it. It felt both more & a lot less like being married, because I was definitely doing everything I could to support someone else, someone I loved with everything in me, but there wasn't a lot of response of any kind. I still knew that Jamie loved & appreciated me! But most of the time, I didn't feel special or beautiful or desired, I admit. I generally had to find ways to treat myself, or do without. But there were exceptions, & in a way, they were made all the more special. Jamie made plans for our anniversary, & that was such a huge deal to me. That little trip was probably my happiest time with him in the whole time that the melancholy lasted. There was also the time I came home from Target & told him that I snuggled a Twilight Sparkle, & he went & bought it for me. I feel a warm glow whenever I see it now, I don't think he evens knows that it instantly become one of my favorite things that I own. So it's not that he didn't want to make me feel special & wanted! It just took a lot of effort, because everything took a lot of effort. As hard a time as I'm probably making it sound like I had, it is so so important for you to remember what he was going through. I'm not writing this to complain, or out of resentment & regret. I'm mostly writing this to encourage anyone who might ever be put in a similar situation. I'm writing this for the married people who notice their spouse is sad lately. I'm writing this for anyone who is engaged, dating, or ever might be. I'm writing this so that you can feel that it is real, that it happens, & that it ends. You make it through. You learn, you grow, you live happily ever after in the midst of it all. Life is a huge big complicated mess, & you need to consider that when you're considering binding your life with the life of someone else. Marriage is hard, depression or no. But it is always worth it (in my experience, anyway, which is admittedly limited). If each of you is willing to put the love into it. I went through some other big stuff in my life during this depression thing-- I even did the scariest thing I've ever had to do, something I'd been dreading for years & years, among many other things. I started working with International Geek Girl Pen Pals Club. I made deliberate efforts to make more friends. I installed a floor. A lot of life happened, & a lot of it has been super good. & now, here we are, & Jamie is finding himself post-depression. That has its own issues! Haha. The first day that he was really acting like his old happy self again really hit me. He was excited & bubbly & in that moment I realized how much I had changed my approach to him & our relationship. It has been weird to readjust. Mostly so happy! We've both grown through this experience, & are enjoying rediscovering 'normal', even as we both have new & exciting other things going on in life right now as well.

Special thanks to the few people I told about this while it was going on. <3

Lydia's Encounter with Les Miserables

I met Lydia through the International Geek Girl Pen Pals Club, followed her on twitter, & quickly found things we have in common. My favorite of those things so far is that we both LOVE Les Miserables, & consider it to have had a part in shaping who we are today. I asked her if she'd write a bit about that for me to share her on this platform, & she did us all the honor of agreeing! Without further ado, here is her tale.

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It started with a challenge. When I was a kid, I listened to my mom’s Les Miserables cassettes and eventually CDs and sang my heart out to every song. I pretended to be Gavroche and then pretended to be Eponine. It was my favorite soundtrack ever. I was jealous when my parents went to the American tour as it came through our town. I begged my mom to let me go next time, so she offered me a challenge. Read the book and I could go. I’m not sure if she thought I would take her up on it, but I think she was curious. She knew my tenacious spirit.

I don’t think she was expecting me to pressure her into going to the bookstore ASAP. We went and I found the full version and the abridged, my 10-year-old mind logically came to the conclusion that I would have a better chance of finishing the abridged version in time if the play came back, and I was right. I promised my mom I would read the full version soon, but asked if the abridged would count for now. She, of course, said yes.

I read the book, I had my mom help me with words I didn’t know and relied on her to best explain the concepts of the book that I couldn’t quite grasp at such a young age. My mom found herself sitting on my bed telling me the struggles of the poor and how revolution can change the world. I don’t think she thought that one day she’d be explaining such deep topics with her little girl, maybe when I was older, but certainly not that young. But, she always said I was an old soul.

This started me on a passion for the impoverished and shunned, whether it be someone who was poor and homeless or someone who was deemed unimportant by society. I took it upon myself to rid the world of this, but slowly came to the realization that it was a big feat for such a small girl. When I was 18, I started feeling quite hopeless – it all started with going to NYC and seeing homelessness everywhere. Springfield, MO does a “great” job of hiding it. My heart and soul broke and I felt like nothing could change. I started thinking about Les Miserables again; thinking about how Hugo put everything on the line to write that book and things did improve for a time. I realized it took more that a few words and giving a coin here and there – it involved being a spokesperson in both political and social environments. I am not much of one for public speaking, so I have avoided going to rallies or speaking to political individuals about this, but I have been working to rid the negative viewpoints people have in my friend groups. Start small, they say. Small things change make the biggest change.

I work to make people look like, well, people and make others see them as human beings. That their pity doesn’t do much to help someone in a rough situation. It has been a long process and I am still working, but I have slowly noticed attitudes changing about those that society deems unworthy, stupid, undesirable, etc.

Les Miserables spoke to my little 10-year-old heart and started a passion no one could ever put out. This passion was doubled, nay tripled, when I actually walked the streets of Paris and talked about the history of the book. Chills, I say. Chills.

I know that it doesn’t seem like much, but I hope one day my words change the way people view the “lowest of society” and that one day we can all start working together to end the strife surrounding us and appreciating everyone for who they are.

This book is filled with self-sacrifice and caring about those in need – it taught me a lot about caring for people, no matter their circumstance and is very often the reminder I need to forgive someone who I have no desire to forgive.

This book has made me a better person and continually challenges me. I hope that, if you read it, this book challenges you, too. 

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THANK YOU LYDIA!
Lydia is a fantastic writer, as you can see, & also a fantastic person. I hope you've enjoyed this read as much as I have! Moreover, I hope that you will feel encouraged to learn more about the things that inspire the people around you, & share your own stories.

Friendship by Degrees

I don't know if other people do this or not, but it's been on my mind lately, so I'm going to type about it.

I think we've all met those people who act like you're immediately great friends. & with some people, they're right! I've had some of my best friendships that way. But some of them, you can tell that they're that way with everyone. & that's perfectly nice of them! I admire their courage, & see their attitude as their way of wanting to value people. But I myself am not that way, & I see my way as okay & valuing people too.

I don't rush into friendships because:
-I just don't have the social energy. If I acted that excited about everyone all the time, I'd be dead.
-I know that it makes some people uncomfortable.
-I feel like it can set up unreasonable expectations-- you can't be best friends with everyone. There's not enough time in the world. We all need healthy boundaries.

So I'm very deliberate about my relationships. It's a challenge, because I value all people, & all people are different... so it's hard to tell how best to show them that I value them. But it's okay, I'm always trying to learn.

Here's a bit of how my process works.

Level 1:
These are familiar names/faces. I try to present myself as friendly & approachable. Smiles. Small talk. Short conversations, short sentences.
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include people I follow on twitter but don't know much about & rarely engage.)

Level 2:
To reach this level, the person must have expressed a level of interest beyond small talk. I will venture to use longer sentences, trusting them to not interrupt, & ask more specific questions about them, also willing to reveal more about myself. Might also proffer invitations to share a meal or some such safe social event. Will also begin to relax from trying to appear all happy all the time. (I'm not very good at that anyway.)
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include people I recognize easily on twitter, & engage deliberately.)

Level 3:
This is as far as most people get with me. If Level 2 goes well, I'd want to start doing things together more regularly. I'd try to remember birthdays, bake cookies, buy trinkets, do favors, all of that kind of stuff. Would also allow myself to be more transparent about when I'm having a bad day & so forth. This is where people fall solidly under the category of "Friend".
(Translated to internet friendships, this level would include even MORE deliberate engaging. Might ask about things one mentioned previously, click on more of one's links, eavesdrop on more conversations, visit profile to see if I missed anything, do plenty of retweeting, ask for (& follow through on) recommendations for things... nothing too creepy, I promise. *shifty eyes*)

Level 4:
These are special people! I even swear around them! ;-o But really, it is mostly a comfort level thing. It's hard to define how to reach this level, except to act truly respectful & interested & loving & willing to invest your time. Some people are allowed access to this level even just temporarily, under special circumstances. Then I will text you & cry to you & ask for your help in things & tell you about things that are deeply important to me & sing & dance & be really the truest deepest version of myself.
(Translated to internet friendships... it'd have to get past the internet. & the internet makes it harder for me to gauge how much someone cares. But I do have people who have gone from just internet friends to texting &/or writing letters &/or maybe even meeting up, all that sort of thing. I also have people who have gone from being around me in real life to only being accessible over the internet, but we're still close. It's almost more like somewhere between Level 3 & Level 4, but one does what one can!)

It probably sounds like I overthink this sort of thing way too much. But I only do so because I'm trying to find the best way to care for people. The more something matters to me, the more I consider all of the details & angles.

What are your thoughts? Are you deliberate like I am, or are your relationships more organic? Do you see the value in each system?

Bonus topic:
I was trying to think of which level would include "loaning my favorite books/movies/music/etc" as a demonstration of friendship, but I do that at all levels, as long as I feel like I'll ever see the person again. I have gaps on my shelves that remind me of friendships I'm trying to build. Loaning my precious things feels like an expression of trust + sharing a part of myself. & if nothing comes of it, I can find a new copy, no big deal.

Indy Pop Con - My Art Haul

I was going to do one post about Indy Pop Con, but oh, too many things. So I'm going to start by just talking about ART. My second favorite thing about the whole con was checking out the art, telling the artists how cool their stuff is, gathering business cards, & staring longingly for embarrassing lengths of time... So to start, let's show off what I took home. In really bad unaltered camera phone photos!

I got a large print from each of my two favorite artist booths. Lemme tell you where to find them + their stuffs on the web.

Left:
kreugan.com
@kreugan
http://kreugan.tumblr.com/
kreugan@gmail.com

Right:
gallery.dauntingfire.com
@dauntdraws
http://dauntingfire.tumblr.com/
http://society6.com/daunt

FANTASTIC, right? & they are sweeties. I got more.



The bottom three are more Daunt. The DA2 is another Kreugan. &... the Canada sketch is by Andrew Carreiro! Who is a web designer. He was with the 1 More Castle booth. Not as an artist. Soooooo you might say I got an exclusive.

I also got a poster from Norm Breyfogle, & Guy Gilchrist added a doodle with his autograph in my Muppet comic book. They were both really cool guys.



Other things of interest:
http://www.ramonecologne.com/ (I will probably use this online shop, his prices are great & so is the art)
@crescentwench (cosplay lady)
Daydreams & Giggles
http://xypher316.deviantart.com/
http://stevepalenicastudios.com/
http://cmherndon.tumblr.com/ (no really, he drew Bill Nye, & has Doctor Who stuff that even non-Whovians can love)
https://www.flickr.com/photos/trois_lapins_studio/ (arts & jewelrys)
https://www.etsy.com/shop/dallasp92 (jewelry)

Love Languages, More or Less

You might be familiar with the concept of the five love languages. In his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Gary Chapman expresses that they are: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, & gifts. Basically, his point is that different people value these different things to different extents, so in order to best love someone you need to find out which they value most & use those to demonstrate your affections.

Which is all well & good.

But the more I live life, the more I try to love & be loved, the more I crave love... the more I think it's both more & less complicated than that.

I really just like to know that someone thought of me. & I try to apply that to how I love others, more than any particular 'language'. Even within each language Gary Chapman lists, I find I have a whole range of feelings-- I adore hugs (from most people anyway), but I don't always like to be touched. Some gifts are super generic & don't make me feel much of anything, but sometimes the simplest tiny gift can express a lot. Some words of affirmation are just tossed about, & some are from the heart.

If you love someone, you'll pay attention to them. That's the root. You defer to their whims, you study their tastes, you listen when they talk. You learn to notice when they're stressed out, & how to help them relax. You see when they did something that was hard for them, & you encourage them. You figure out their sense of humor. You stand up for them. You let them go first. You give them the bigger slice.

To use a personal example... I've learned that my husband likes to be given opportunity to be spontaneous. So sometimes I try to analyze if he could use an evening out of the house, & just spring on him with "let's go out", & give him total control of where we go & what we do. I think it makes him feel trusted, & that his opinions are valued. On the other hand, I like to have things planned out in advance. That makes me feel like someone cared enough about me to think through all of the details. So my husband can show me love by thinking ahead, plotting out what I might like.

I'm not writing to totally discount the Love Languages concept, but I do want to encourage us all to not put love in a box. Use all of the languages, & learn new ones. Love people any way you can, & try to see the love in what people do for you.

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Bonus! Some of my 'other' love languages, off the top of my head:

-food
-80s references
-book recommendations
-compliments on my house
-questions about my life & my opinions
-involving me in your life by letting me help with something or just venting to me about a problem
-not interrupting me