13/14

Hi friends! Due to a clerical error, I find myself with time... & due to other things, I find myself not wanting to do much with aforementioned time. So I'm going to toss out some thoughts. Just for you.

2013 was a big year, for me & my husband. We went through a lot of things, some very personal that shall leave marks etched in our hearts for all time. But we grew a lot, & as we enter this new year that feels so very rewarding.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was to let go of my previous notions of how I needed to build relationships, & with whom. This was a banner year for working out what it means to be an introvert (& to embrace being an introvert), & part of that for me meant giving up on previous methods of dealing with people. I freakin' love people, & a major part of my entire mindset is that people & relationships with them are the most important thing there possibly is outside of one's own relationship with God. I still feel that way, but I've had to learn that I need to take care of myself before I can have healthy relationships. & I need to let situations be what they are, without forcing upon them any of my own ideas of How This Should Work. Actually, basically what I did what let go of control entirely. Poof. I pretty much declared myself on vacation from trying to deepen relationships &/or make them happen. I decided to try to just enjoy social interactions & be comfortable, instead of trying to fix things & stressing myself out. & you know what happened? I made new friends. Like, actual new friends, whom I can text, invite to my house, that sort of thing. I also found lots of development happening with friendships I'd had that had been at the same level for a while. CRAZY, RIGHT? So yeah, it's been awesome. I'm more rested, more myself, & in fact more connected with more people.

I think many of us struggle with a skewed vision of how friendships happen & why & so forth. Everyone I've talked to about the topic has admitted to having a lot of disappointments & hurts. I think it's a little bit funny when I come across things on the internet that say those things like Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations about Hair/Men/Wildlife/Australia/whatevs, because really I think Friendships should be the one leading the pack. But anyway. It's nice to finally feel like I'm moving in a right direction.

As I try to be more awake, I realize that perhaps this post might come across as selfish? Like, "I can't be bothered to work at friendships, I'm too busy taking care of MEEEEEE"? But that's not what I mean, I promise. I just mean finding a better balance. Forgive my fussy brain.