City Girl

I've lived in the same city my entire life. (Except for a few months at a time spent at various camps or once at Central College.) It is, in fact, the 12th largest city in my whole country, by population. I had my childhood dreams of living out in the wilderness, some farmhouse somewhere, a cabin in the woods, what have you... & there's still a magical beauty to that sort of place that is unmatched by anything else. But as time has gone by, & I've learned more about myself, I've grown more & more in love with where I am. I can no longer imagine being truly happy living away from the pavement & the hustle. To be more specific, I know there are things about living in the middle of nowhere that would appeal to me deeply-- but they aren't what I need. I'd become lazy & stagnant. I'd see the chance to stop caring about people, to stop pushing myself to keep being around them & investing in them & sharing with them, & I am so scared that I would take it. I'd take it & run with it, hiding myself away with my own selfish pursuits. I'd have time to read so many books, to knit everything, to teach myself to draw, to master beautiful songs on piano & guitar, to watch & rewatch everything on Netflix, to cook & bake fantastic things... & I'd probably be happy. But so much potential would be dead, & I'd be a worse person.

In any day of my life here in the city, I am at least thinking of people, if not interacting with any of them. I hear the traffic. Someone brings mail to my porch. My 3DS might get a streetpass or two just sitting around. Loud conversations take place beyond my windows. This keeps me a part of the world, in a way that matters. I pray for these people. I think about what they think, what they accomplish, what they love. I look at how different they are, & how similar.

People are the most important thing.

Even if I never speak to the people in those cars, the postal worker, or the creator of "John" in my 3DS plaza... they are doing me a favor of broadening my mind & my world. They inspire me & remind me how important it is to be involved with the people in my world. I can get a little bit of this from various books/movies/music/games, from really looking at an object & thinking about where it came from, from deliberate use of social media, etc, but it's never as powerful for me as instant human behaviors going on right next to me. I have to be surrounded by life & potential & opportunities, or I'm going to let them pass me by, because not getting involved is "easier". I have to see the beauty of work & pain & laughter & play, to keep my perspective reminded that there are so many other people out there, & they're all as important as I am. No matter how pleased I'd be with a hermit lifestyle, it could never mean as much as meaning something to someone else, & letting them be meaningful to me.

I need sleepovers & game days & birthday parties & crazy things I've never done before.

I've really challenged myself these last couple years or so to make new friends & better care for ones I already had, & it has been amazing. I really have done things I didn't want to do, but those things have been rewarding. I've met remarkable people, & seen new sides of people I already liked. I need these people, I need these experiences, I need to be a part of things or I'll waste away. I need to give of my strengths, & I need to let my weaknesses be okay, too. My comfort zone is important for helping me have boundaries, but all too often it can be misused, as a shield from things that could be so good for me & the people around me.
Of course, my long-distance friendships are also very meaningful, & they challenge/exhaust/renew me in their own ways. But my perspective would be skewed if I chose to let that be my only focus. I can ignore a text, I can hide my feelings. I need to be pushed into situations I can't control, to help me stay real & to watch other people be real. All of my relationships benefit when I am forced to understand new things.

Related reading: Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo
(Oh lands, please, if you don't appreciate the importance of people, read this book right now, & then read it again. Everyone matters.)

Related listening: Jackson Browne's Alive in the World, Guggenheim Grotto's The Universe is Laughing, The Elms' entire Chess Hotel album