Movies to Refresh Your Perspective on Life

Hi friends! Today I'd like to share with you a list of movies that inspire me. Movies that motivate me to make the best of my life, to treat people better, to be a better me, to embrace goodness. Movies that remind me that the world is a beautiful complicated place full of beautiful complicated people, & that my tiny little perspective is constantly needing to be updated.

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-Les Miserables (any version)
This is basically THE story of how everyone has an impact on everyone else, & how you can never judge someone because you don't know what has made them who they are.

-Reign over Me
This is a story about how we're all different people with different problems & different ways of dealing with our problems, & about how important it is to actually communicate with people about things instead of being petty or deciding you already know everything.

-Dead Poets Society
CARPE DIEM. A movie about being yourself & doing the right thing, & letting other people do that too. (& uh, not trying to run your kid's life.)

-Patch Adams
No matter how bad the world is or how bad a situation you're in, you can still find (& be) goodness. Goodness matters.

-The Nun's Story
Sometimes, to do what you're passionate about, you have to struggle against so many other things. You may have to do a lot of things you really don't want to do. You may have people with authority over you making decisions that aren't at all what you want. Your family/friends might not understand what you're doing. Sometimes you yourself might not understand what you're doing. On the surface, this just seems like a story about what it's like to be a nun, but to me it's so much more.

-Up
Man, this is like two great things in one. You've got the first bit of the movie, which is one of my favorite things EVER, & a beautiful illustration of finding joy in life as it comes, celebrating what you have instead of pouting about what you don't. & then you've got the rest of the movie, which is... kind of a reinforcement of the first. Learn to let go of what needs to be gone, learn to adapt & take what shows up.

-An American Tail: Fievel Goes West
I don't know what's out there beyond those hills. But if you ride yonder... head up, eyes steady, heart open... I think one day you'll find that you're the hero you've been looking for.
That Fievel. He finds out that something needs to be done, & he just keeps at it, doing everything he can (but also getting help, because getting help is important) until finally the day is saved. He doesn't get too discouraged or wallow in self-pity or take no for an answer. It's a great example.

-It's a Wonderful Life
I know most people either love this movie, hate this movie, or just plain refuse to see this movie. But it's classic feel-good material. There's nothing wrong with a healthy amount of celebrating the good you've done for others... & being reminded that you should totally ask people for help sometimes. I know I personally can get too caught up in my own feelings of "I can't do this" & forget that I don't have to do it alone.

-A Christmas Carol
I don't really think you'll end up as a chain-laden ghost if you're selfish. But the point is more that not being selfish has its rewards. Connections with other humans is important, & little relational investments go a long way. You can get too comfortable in your little "safe" bubble.

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There's almost definitely more that I'm just not thinking of right now, but these are my go-to films for de-funking my brain. Actually, I don't even usually go to those last two, but maybe I should.
What about you? Do you watch movies to get your head back on straight?

City Girl

I've lived in the same city my entire life. (Except for a few months at a time spent at various camps or once at Central College.) It is, in fact, the 12th largest city in my whole country, by population. I had my childhood dreams of living out in the wilderness, some farmhouse somewhere, a cabin in the woods, what have you... & there's still a magical beauty to that sort of place that is unmatched by anything else. But as time has gone by, & I've learned more about myself, I've grown more & more in love with where I am. I can no longer imagine being truly happy living away from the pavement & the hustle. To be more specific, I know there are things about living in the middle of nowhere that would appeal to me deeply-- but they aren't what I need. I'd become lazy & stagnant. I'd see the chance to stop caring about people, to stop pushing myself to keep being around them & investing in them & sharing with them, & I am so scared that I would take it. I'd take it & run with it, hiding myself away with my own selfish pursuits. I'd have time to read so many books, to knit everything, to teach myself to draw, to master beautiful songs on piano & guitar, to watch & rewatch everything on Netflix, to cook & bake fantastic things... & I'd probably be happy. But so much potential would be dead, & I'd be a worse person.

In any day of my life here in the city, I am at least thinking of people, if not interacting with any of them. I hear the traffic. Someone brings mail to my porch. My 3DS might get a streetpass or two just sitting around. Loud conversations take place beyond my windows. This keeps me a part of the world, in a way that matters. I pray for these people. I think about what they think, what they accomplish, what they love. I look at how different they are, & how similar.

People are the most important thing.

Even if I never speak to the people in those cars, the postal worker, or the creator of "John" in my 3DS plaza... they are doing me a favor of broadening my mind & my world. They inspire me & remind me how important it is to be involved with the people in my world. I can get a little bit of this from various books/movies/music/games, from really looking at an object & thinking about where it came from, from deliberate use of social media, etc, but it's never as powerful for me as instant human behaviors going on right next to me. I have to be surrounded by life & potential & opportunities, or I'm going to let them pass me by, because not getting involved is "easier". I have to see the beauty of work & pain & laughter & play, to keep my perspective reminded that there are so many other people out there, & they're all as important as I am. No matter how pleased I'd be with a hermit lifestyle, it could never mean as much as meaning something to someone else, & letting them be meaningful to me.

I need sleepovers & game days & birthday parties & crazy things I've never done before.

I've really challenged myself these last couple years or so to make new friends & better care for ones I already had, & it has been amazing. I really have done things I didn't want to do, but those things have been rewarding. I've met remarkable people, & seen new sides of people I already liked. I need these people, I need these experiences, I need to be a part of things or I'll waste away. I need to give of my strengths, & I need to let my weaknesses be okay, too. My comfort zone is important for helping me have boundaries, but all too often it can be misused, as a shield from things that could be so good for me & the people around me.
Of course, my long-distance friendships are also very meaningful, & they challenge/exhaust/renew me in their own ways. But my perspective would be skewed if I chose to let that be my only focus. I can ignore a text, I can hide my feelings. I need to be pushed into situations I can't control, to help me stay real & to watch other people be real. All of my relationships benefit when I am forced to understand new things.

Related reading: Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo
(Oh lands, please, if you don't appreciate the importance of people, read this book right now, & then read it again. Everyone matters.)

Related listening: Jackson Browne's Alive in the World, Guggenheim Grotto's The Universe is Laughing, The Elms' entire Chess Hotel album

My Earliest Fandoms

There's this really neat thing going around the internet, called 5 Fandom Friday... & I love some of the prompts... but not all of them, & I don't necessarily want to try to follow them week by week, so uh, I'm just going to sometimes refer to the list & steal the prompts for inspiration. Sorrynotsorry.
So, for my first 5 Fandom Friday inspired post, I'm adapting the very first one they ever did, Gateway Fandoms that Made Me Who I am Today.

My Very First Fandoms would I suppose be the things I had around me for longer than I can even remember, things that were there for my older brother already when I showed up...
-Ghostbusters
-TMNT
-Nintendo
-Disney/otherassortedanimatedflicks

But I'd also like to give a shout-out to some of the things I picked up a bit later (pre-teen years), but have been monumental & stuck with me.
-Star Wars (this was introduced to me & my bro at the same time, when the Special Edition was released- I was nine)
-Batman (our grandma laid out a couple of graphic novels with the intent of letting my bro read them, but I got to them first & it kinda changed my life-- I have no memory of what the bro was busy doing while I wandered off & made this turn of events occur, & maybe I should be sorry, but it was an accident & well uh um I can't be sorry for loving Batman)
-Sherlock Holmes (I won a copy of The Adventures & Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes in a Bingo game on a summer vacation with my extended family)

It's interesting to me to look back on this sort of thing, for multiple reasons.
I can see how they influenced my interests & sense of humor from the start.
I feel really blessed to have had so much in common with my brother, in terms of these sorts of things.
...though I had very little truly in common with most girls around me. (Disney was my girliest interest. I liked stuffed animals & Polly Pocket, but not dolls or horses or makeup or boy bands or etc.)
I am the sort of person who feels most happy with what is most familiar, so this list is still very dear & applicable to me.

Re: Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games

Hi friends! I've had in mind for a while now to start writing up posts about fictional characters & how I relate to them specifically. Because I think that's really one of the most beautiful things about fiction, really-- all stories are good for helping open our minds to new ideas, but now & then there's something special that draws you in & it's like you get to live more life, in a way.

Disclaimer: you know I like MBTI stuff, & maybe you like MBTI stuff too, but this isn't about typing characters. Part/most of it will be aspects that could be labeled under such terms, but it's not really the point-- I want to keep it more universal, more about anything that makes me feel a connection. (In this case in particular, part of why I relate to Katniss isn't even just about her, but also the characters around her & how she feels about them, & that has nothing to do with MBTI, sorry.)
(I do think Katniss is maybe ISTJ. But I think she suffers a bit from what I like to call Mulan-syndrome: sometimes she's just The Character that the Story Needs Her to Be.)

Disclaimer #2: SPOILERS INCLUDED, okay. I want to be able to get specific. & I figure if you care about how I relate to Katniss, you probably care because you already know about Katniss.

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I am not actually sure when I first heard about The Hunger Games. I think someone I know had just found out there was going to be a movie made based on the book, & was looking for someone with whom he could talk about how similar it was/wasn't to Battle Royale (which I have read, more recently, & they really aren't particularly similar except for the bit about kids having to fight to the death). What I do remember is slouching around the ol' apartment & DEVOURING the trilogy in a matter of days. & it's not that they're the greatest books, really. I was actually a bit bugged about at least one particular writing choice, & I still think that the movies are better than the books so far (I've only seen the first two)... but what really got me, what made the story mean a lot to me, was how deeply & how quickly & how specifically it made me feel a connection with Katniss.

One of the first things the story establishes is that Katniss has a best friend, Gale. Gale is a little older than she, they met when she was a younger teen, he's an idealist & gets angered by injustice, they can talk together about everything or nothing, they're always there for each other.
I had a Gale in my life, too, & immediately made that connection.

Katniss cares about injustice & so forth too, she's just super practical about it. She & I don't dwell much on things that we can't affect ourselves. (& we're not out-of-the-box thinkers, so there's not much we DO think we can change in the world.) She/I will do ANYTHING to do what we see needs to be done, like Katniss hunts/sells/lawbreaks/keepshersisterintheclear. Our heart is in doing our absolute best in what we see as our place. It's not that we're lazy, or don't care about the world as a whole, we're just not that broadly ambitious! We'd rather commit to what we see as the most important, analyzing our present circumstance, & dealing with things as they come. We have limited resources, & don't want to lessen the good we can do in our chosen little causes by trying to do more good in more places. It's a weakness/strength.

Then, before too long, we meet Peeta. It didn't take me long to identify him with the Peeta in my own life. He cares so much, on a personal level, about everything. Because he sees in everything how it matters to the people around him. He's rarely actually happy, because his happiness is so closely tied to the feelings of everyone else. He doesn't see himself as anything particularly good or special or worthy... as long as there are still people hurting, he'll still feel a need to be better, so that he can help them. He has a way with people, of understanding what is really going on, & knowing what to say. So people listen to him.

I had mixed feelings when the whole love-triangle thing became a thing. WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LET A GUY & GIRL BE FRIENDS, I screamed internally. But, let's be real... when I was her age, I thought maybe I'd end up with my Gale. So. It's not so much that I was mad about the trope, as I was mad about my connection to the story getting deeper. Truth is, I've lost my Gale. I knew that no matter what happened to her relationship with him, I was going to have feels about it. I already warned you about spoilers, so I can go ahead & say that when they found him whipped nearly to death, I was about as close to crying over a book as I've ever been in my life. He's not even one of my "favorite characters", he's just one of the most REAL, well real to me anyway. Katniss freaks out & tries to do/feel/think everything, & goes a little crazy feeling helpless. It feels right to me, though I've not quite been in that sort of scenario myself.

One of my favorite things about Katniss is summed up by Peeta: she has no idea, the effect she can have. Ahhhhh, how refreshing to find a character who is oblivious & yet not considered better/worse for being so. There's this whole trend of having the socially-oblivious character be somehow endearing because of this flaw, but I like that it isn't used to make her adorably awkward (well, maybe just to the characters around her, for that bit in the second book), it's just a part of who she is. I can relate to that so much more. It is NOT generally accepted as adorable in real life to be that clueless to social cues. Not having any speck of intuition is NOT CUTE in everyday life. It's hard, & people usually just misinterpret your misunderstanding as something negative that you don't actually mean. So. GREAT to see it not represented as a GOOD THING.
...but somehow, yeah, "the effect she can have". This is where the Mulan-syndrome comes in. Why is Katniss somehow deeply loved/respected by 90% of people, even though she doesn't come across as very nice? Because the story needs her to. But hey, it's kinda flattering, from the perspective of someone who relates to her, haha. (I do feel like, VERY RARELY, I somehow instantly win people over for no particular reason, & it doesn't matter how awful I come across, they see in me the admirable things. But I consider that more of a good thing about them than about me-- their ability to interpret what I really mean has nothing to do with my own efforts.)

She really does need Peeta... she & I both. I married mine, too. We need someone who is nicer than we understand, the kind of nice we wish we could be but have no idea how it functions in real life. We need that buffer, someone who gets along so well with the rest of the world in the ways that we don't, someone who understands the goodness in us that doesn't always translate to others. It's a special teamwork-- they give us a much-needed perspective on the rest of the world, & we try to give them a perspective on their very self.

I think sometimes the story gets it right, that her best moments are when she can be thoughtful in details that make a difference. Trying to think of everything that would make life easier for everyone. Not the big outside-the-box change-the-world thinking, just the little what-can-I-do things. & I see heroism when she tries things outside her comfort zone. There's just a bit of disconnect when she does the occasional big flashy plot-driving thing... but hey, you've got to move a book along somehow. (In a lot of stories, if the main character was like me, it would NOT end the same way at all. ;-) Some huge beast guy says don't go in the West Wing? NO PROBLEM, I'LL BE IN THE LIBRARY.)

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So there you have it! The Hunger Games trilogy is special to me because almost everything she thinks/feels/does makes sense to me on a personal level, & I see in her two closest friends two of the people I've loved most in my own life. Her story feels like I could have lived it. Yay for good stories!

Bonus fun facts:
-The second book is by far my favorite of the three
-My favorite characters are actually Cinna & Haymitch

Casplay Prep Thoughts

I'm going to a comic convention this weekend. After my very first con experience last year, I made it a goal to develop at least one costume that I would really like & enjoy & that would suit me & so forth. I found out about this weekend's con with not a lot of prep time & not a lot of money... so I picked something I thought could be simple/cheap & decided to aim for it. Castiel from Supernatural. Aw yeah.

I did a bit of searching to see what sort of things had already been done by lady folk in this venture, & I have to say, I was disappointed. I am a firm believer in DO WHAT YOU WANT, it's your costume so enjoy it... but... most of what I saw (by which I mean like all but one) seemed to fall into the following categories:

-Look, I'm a Sexy Lady, See How I've Changed Everything from the Original Outfit to Girly Stuff

-I Worked Really Hard on These Wings, ADMIRE MY WINGS

-I Have the Most Authentic Costume Because I Used Makeup to Create Pretend Stubble

So I didn't find much that made me feel like I was joining a rich cultural history of ladies cosplaying as this character. I was able to respect the effort done by the folk in what I saw, but I didn't feel like I related to any of them. I'm just keeping it simple. Castiel isn't girly, you don't see his wings, & his stubble isn't fake... so why would I do any of that? I did get girly shoes, because I will get a lot of use out of them beyond this costume, & I'm going to wear eyeliner + mascara, because intense eyes will work well I think.

Here's what I got, & from whence it came:
-trench coat, Goodwill
-dressy black shoes, Goodwill
-navy blue necktie, Goodwill
-white button-down shirt, borrowing from mom, who got it at a thrift store
-black slacks + blazer, borrowing from mom, who got them at a thrift store
-wings pendant, Michaels (pieces separated, turned into earrings)
-black dress socks, too old to remember source
-mascara, also source unknown
-eyeliner, Target
-hair gel, Target

I wore the earrings for a couple of days to make sure I wouldn't die from how big they are, I've tried on all of the clothes together, & I've made sure I can apply the eyeliner in a way that seems okay to be seen in public (I'm bad at makeup, okay, I'm not like those sassy stylish goa'uld). So I'm pretty excited to see how it all works together! I am telling myself that I will NOT just end up feeling/looking ridiculous. :-l There was another part I really wanted to do that I didn't get done, but I might some other time. It's still a fun idea, but if I do it at all I want to do it as well as possible. I also thought of a way to get the effect of wings, with absolute minimal cost/effort, but I think I want to just leave off wings entirely so it's more like actual Castiel. (...but if you want to know my idea, hit me up!)

I was hoping to be alllllllll caught up on Supernatural before the con, just in case somebody tries to start a conversation with me & is all "SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER", but hey, it's not going to happen. That's okay. We're nearly done with season seven. Mmmmm. (& I already have a lot of spoilers spoiled anyway. Meh. The show is done well enough that it isn't a huge deal. [But I don't like spoilers.])

Next week, I'll probably share about how the con/costume turned out!

Steps of Deterioration

Hi folk! Today we're going to talk about What Happens to Me when My Social Fuel Tank is Running Dry, & How I React. I feel like it's getting more common to understand the basics of introversion/extroversion, how you get drained & how you recharge, but no one wants to talk about the messy bits. I know that I myself would want to read how various people of various types handle the stress of not being able to escape a situation that makes them want to pound the Red Alert button... So I'll start off!

The first thing I do is get even quieter than usual. Small talk? Pft. Volunteering information? Pft. My own opinions & preferences become less & less important as the self-preservation instincts kick in. Few things drain & discourage me as quickly as being ignored, interrupted, talked over, misunderstood, all of the hazards of letting words out of my face in public. Even on a good day. Let me concentrate on listening, instead.

Eye contact? That goes out of the window. Maybe if I'm not looking at you, you'll think I'm busy or boring or preoccupied or some sort of subconscious signal will go off warning you to seek interaction elsewhere... Sometimes I can still summon the energy to talk to you, as long as I don't have to look at you. I'm still listening. Probably.

In fact, not only am I not looking at you, I'm looking very hard at something else. I give my brain some comfortable busywork to distract it from the strain & chaos. By examining anything in sight. This is a thing that comes naturally to an extent at all times, but I fall into it as a lifeline when everything else going on gets to be too much. An example: hey look, there's a coffee table. Look at its height. Is that the most optimal height? That might depend on if it is mostly used for holding beverages, or resting feet, or even things like desk work. Which do I think this one is mostly used for? Look at the legs. Are they poking out? We wouldn't want anyone to trip on them. Are they designed to hold much weight? Could we sit on this coffee table? We should look at how thick the top is. Oh, & is it a material that would benefit from the use of coasters? Coasters are generally just a nuisance, & folk use them on surfaces that really don't require them at all. Silly people. Some coasters are really cool though! I have cool coasters! Hey, focus. Most coasters aren't even well designed. So when you're thinking about a coffee table, & you're thinking it should have coasters for beverages, you also need to think about what kind of coasters. Unless you like the look of coasters *&* beverage moisture marks. Would I use a coffee table in this space at all? Maybe an end table would be more suitable for this situation. Depending on its height & depth. Etc. At best, this actually teaches me about people & how they think. At worst, I end up just thinking whomever designed/uses the thing is an idiot & doesn't understand simple physics & organization & things.

Oh hey. I have like zero intuition. I have to rely on previous experience & such to try to figure out what people mean when their words don't quite make sense to me. & when my energies are drained... it's just not going to happen. I end up answering a lot of rhetorical questions, answering things in a waaaaay too literal manner, &/or just being entirely lost & confused. I can reach a point where even "how are you" seems like a super weird thing to say. HOW? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOW. DOOOIIIIING. AM I EVEN DOING AT ALL? DO I WANT TO BE DOING? Moreover, a lot of people I know do a lot of jumping from topic to topic & back again with no warning. I can go all "wait what who?" & look like I'm not paying attention, even when I'm trying really hard. I might be spending my very last bit of focus & energy on someone, trying to show them the love that I feel, but nope I just come across as clueless.

You know what's awesome? Solid colors. Simple patterns. Wood grain. Tiles. Graph paper. God bless graph paper. Once even my reasoning skills are breaking down, I don't even want to look at anything that isn't deeply predictable. When I'm really starting to break down, to the point of I'm about to cry, the first thing I want is to see something super plain. It honestly helps. Things that have an appearance that is random, fuzzy, in any way unpredictable, just feel like more noise, more to figure out, more chaos. I can't turn off my brain's way of trying to make sense of everything I see.

After a while, I get super insecure. It happens any time I get tired, but especially if there's anything social going on. Here I am, at this thing that I decided was so important that I would ignore my own needs, & I'm staring at bookcases & knitting my brow at small talk. WHAT MUST PEOPLE THINK. It's a vicious cycle of putting effort into trying to connect with the people that I'm there to see, & then getting even more tired & stressed & bummed & insecure, & feeling like I need to try harder... I'll over-analyze evvvverrrrrrything. If anyone is nice to me, it's just because they're being polite. If they aren't nice, it's because I said/did something wrong. If they're ignoring me altogether, our friendship is ruined, I'll never hear from them again, & maybe they're better off that way. THAT THING I DID TEN YEARS AGO MIGHT EVEN BE TO BLAME. IT'S ALL SO CLEAR.

Related note: my husband is amazing. AMAZING. He lets me rely on him so much if he's there when I'm fading fast. He does small talk, he does intuition, he lets me cling to him & mumble nonsense & stare at his hoodie & try to position him as my representation to the world. He is an introvert like I am, but he's the exact opposite everything else as far as MBTI is concerned, & he definitely handles being drained a lot differently than I do. He's a lot better at faking, & at doing whatever needs to be done until it is no longer needed. <3 I do know a little bit about how he handles it & how to help him out if I'm the one less drained, so I can at least attempt to return the help he so often gives me.

How about you? What makes you your worst self, what does that look like, & how do you try to manage it?

Hello, 2015

THIS IS NOT A RESOLUTIONS POST.
I don't do New Year's resolutions. If I spot something in myself that could use improving, I get started right away. But I don't mind taking a moment after surviving the holiday rush to ponder what the last year has achieved & how I plan to approach the new.

In short, my plan for 2015 is to deepen & strengthen. The past, oh, three years or so have been about learning & stretching & sometimes just about getting through whatever huge challenge was at hand... I feel a need to allow myself to rest in the lessons learned, celebrate how far I've come, enjoy the new things as they have become more comfortable. There has been a lot of shuffling in my life situation, my understanding of myself & others, how I spend my time, how I contribute to the world around me, & what friendships I invest in in what ways. Even my interests & hobbies have shuffled. My opportunities have changed. My responsibilities have changed. Being a Young Adult Human takes a lot of reorienting! It's exhilarating & exhausting. So, now that there is a point at which I seem to see a chance to breathe before anything else major shifts, I'm going to take that chance.

Here are some of the Things I Do, Which I Plan to Keep Doing & Do Better.

-IGGPPC Staff Ninja. My position over at IGGPPC became official on January 6th, 2014! It's been a long crazy road & not really much at all like what I expected, but we've all done a lot of learning about each other & how to work together & stuff like that this year. While there were definitely times I thought about stepping down, I now can't really imagine my life without it. As long as they think what I can contribute is worth trying to deal with me, I'll be there. We're in the middle of reorienting tasks & responsibilities & whatnot, but once that gets sorted I forsee myself being very happy plugging away at my little duties.

-Retro Power. After getting to hang out with Alex in person for the first time after years of online acquaintance, we decided we wanted to work together to create a thing for 1MoreCastle.com. So far, it has coincided with a bunch of crazy life stuff thrown at both of us, so it's been a little rough going, but it's a thing worth fighting for until we both decide it isn't. The true point of it is the excuse to do something together, 'cause we're friends, & that will remain no matter how seriously we take RP. It is super cool though, you should check it out.

-Bass playin'. After months of communication hiccups, this is smoothing out nicely. I play with one of two of my church's worship teams, which means I play almost every over Sunday but not quite (sometimes the kids lead worship, or special stuff happens, or wires get crossed, etc). So I get up early, get use out of my 38-year-old bass I've had for almost 11 years, get in some practice working as part of a group, toughen my fingertips, & dream of when I'll be able to afford new strings. I really want to try flatwounds.

-Media Team. In theory, I've been on the church's newly-created "media team" for a few months or so. In actuality, the past months have been spent on site redesign, which is absolutely none of my business. Sooooo this will actually be more like a new thing than a continuing thing. The point is, I'm going to be helping out with the church's internet presence, doing stuff like keeping website content up to date. I want to be helping my church in more ways than just playing bass now & then, & I feel like having a way to do that that uses my particular skills & interests will also provide a benefit of helping people in the church learn just a little bit more about me & who I am. Because the simple fact of the matter is if you show up somewhere & aren't doing much, not much is going to be known about you & people will make their own assumptions. As a Young Woman Human, I feel like I've kind of been assumed into an "oh, maybe she should help with the nursery" type of vibe & other vibes that don't actually suit me AT ALL. So, with the Media Team label, maybe I can be planted solidly into a "she likes to sit at home alone & show her love for others by paying attention to details that no one wants to think about until they suddenly need them & they aren't there" vibe. I can dig that vibe.

-FRIENDSHIPS. I thought that 2014 was going to be for deepening new friendships, & kind of it was, but kind of it was also a lot about just sifting what ones should be the focus & how. So I've been doing some texting, some letter-writing, some google-hanging, some gif-exchanging, some pin-sending. I'm finding that there are people out there who express/appreciate friendship in the same ways that I do! WHICH IS AMAZING. I feel like I've spent SO MUCH OF MY LIFE trying to figure out how to show love to the people around me, & it feels SO GOOD to find people who are coming from a similar understanding so I don't have to work nearly as hard. People who see love in exchanging book recommendations, in expressing a pet peeve knowing the other person will absolutely not judge you, in watching something at the same time just to be sharing, in mailing little trinkets just to say you're thinking of someone, in deciding NOT to send something because you aren't sure they'd like it, in openly admitting to weaknesses & strengths, in asking questions to get another's perspective, in not really knowing what to say but letting that be okay, in sometimes maybe even saying the wrong things & letting that be okay too. I'm finding people who are loving me for whatever odd reason they have found, & I am letting them make me comfortable enough to make myself uncomfortable enough to grow. (That does make sense. Reread it until you get it.) One of the things I've wanted for so long was to find someone A LOT like myself. Instead, I've been blessed enough to find people who are different, but in the most beautiful ways possible. Ways that give us opportunity to see things in each other to inspire us in ways we wouldn't otherwise have. & that even gives me courage & refreshment, to keep on plugging away at finding out how to show love to the other friends I have & love so very much but get a bit confused on how they want that expressed. Because only surrounding yourself with the easiest & most comfortable people isn't good either.

-Blogging! Oh blog, you are such a nice resource. I appreciate the opportunities you offer. *pats technology on its collective head* Blogging is like... well, I embrace twitter because it is amazing for allowing me to express whatever I want to express & people can interact or not as they see fit. A blog is basically that with more space. ;-) Sometimes I even have occasion to link on twitter to something I've blogged, to provide handy elaboration in case of interest! Isn't that grand? I plan to take more advantage of this marvel. I already have many things in mind I wish to cover. I've almost fully drafted a couple in my mind already.

-More reading, more Bible studying, more letter writing, more discovering music/movies/shows, more knitting, more house-improving, more loving, more giving, more listening, more cookie-baking! MORE YOU. <3